


The Glory Days Are Gone For Good (Or Are They?)

by jusains



Category: Starkid, The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals
Genre: F/M, M/M, Slow Burn, high school sweethearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-03-17 18:26:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18970636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jusains/pseuds/jusains
Summary: Ted and Henry were Highschool sweethearts but they broke up when Ted went to a college far away while Henry stayed near Hatchetfield.The story takes place about 15 years later. Henry is a professor and teaches at a college in Hatchetfield, when Ted comes back.Obviously now, after all these years, they finally meet again.(they are the same age in this)





	1. Strange Encounter

Henry slips out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping body next to him. He showers, gets dressed and eats before he grabs his bag and leaves for work. 

He doesn‘t drive directly to the university though, he makes a stop at Beanies, as always. It kind of became a habit. He could also go to the Starbucks across the street, but Beanies is cheaper, especially since Emma always gives him a little discount and a cookie for free. He‘s not even sure if she can do that, but whenever he asked her whether or not she can get in trouble for that, she simply declined and told him, she always gets free cookies, she might as well give him one. They‘ve been friends since Highschool, anyway. She can make an exception. 

So he accepted it and he stopped asking.

—

“Hi”, Emma says, when he steps in. She smiles now. 

“Hey Emma, how are you?”

“Well, my job is a shitshow, but I’m fine, I guess.”

“Tell me about it.”

“How are you? How’s everything?”

He lightly shrugs. “Fine..fine.” 

It’s really not. His life is a mess. He has everything he ever wanted but it doesn’t make him feel the way he thought it would. He doesn’t feel fulfilled, not even happy. Well maybe sometimes happy. He‘s rich of things, but he doesn‘t feel like it at all. He doesn‘t feel like it‘s his life, it‘s someone else‘s and he doesn‘t belong there. It just feels..wrong. But he still goes along with it. 

“Hey big news!”, Emma says now, sounding exited. “Have you heard?”

“I don’t think so. What happened?”

His expectations aren’t too high. It’s probably just Peanuts, the pocket-squirrel again. All of his friends are, for some reason, obsessed with it. 

“Paul called yesterday, he told me.” She smiles while saying that. Probably because she’s into Paul. 

They met Paul in Highschool, even though he went to Sycamore and they went to Hatchetfield High. They did a production of Brigadoon and Paul had to see that. He came for Emma afterwards, telling her she was good but he hates musicals. She was offended at first, until she realised that he was trying to flirt. They became friends, but never a couple. Both of them say they are okay with it, but Henry doesn’t think so. 

“However”, Emma says now, “He told me he saw Ted downtown yesterday. Apparently he is back, he’s living with his parents again. Remember Ted?”

“Of course I remember him.”

“Thought so. And?”

“And?”

“What do you feel?”

“I don’t know. What am I supposed to feel?”

“Joy? Anger? A forbidden love maybe?”

He scoffs, chuckling now. 

“Emma, it’s been years. I don’t care about my high school boyfriend anymore.” 

“Good.” 

She pushes his coffee towards him and leaves to get a cookie. He gets his money out and pushes it towards her. 

She gathers it from the counter as soon as she’s back and he grabs his cup and his cookie. 

The door pings and she looks up. 

“Oh hey”, she says, smiling now. Then she looks at Henry, whispering this time. “Turn around.”

Henry does, without thinking much of it. And there they are. Paul and Ted. Henry just stares at Ted for a while. But it’s okay, because Ted stares back. Apparently both of them need time to process it. 

Ted looks good. Of course he does. He’s always been ridiculously handsome. 

But there’s something else too. He has a moustache now, but that’s not it. It’s kinda cute anyway. How can he pull this of? Moustaches are normally hideous, but not on him. 

He looks _so good_. But there’s something wrong. Something in his eyes. He looks weary, kind of done. He doesn’t look as innocent and happy as he used to look and Henry can’t help but wonder what happened to him. Life must have been rough on him. Emma said he’s living with his parents again. Maybe a divorce? Or maybe he lost a job and is now too cash-strapped to afford a place to live. Henry doesn’t want to jump to conclusions though. 

“Hey Henry”, Ted says now. 

“Hey.”

“Good to see you.”

“Yes.”

Both of them hesitate. Ted opens his mouth to say something, but at the same time, Henry goes for the door. 

“I have to go. I’ll see you around.” 

He quickly turns around to Emma. “Bye Emma.” She waves slightly. At least, that’s the last thing he sees, before he hurries out of the door. 

He gets into his car and puts the cup and the cookie down in the cup holder. He doesn’t drive off right away. For a moment he just sits there. 

“Fuck”, he finally mumbles to himself. 

What was that? Why did he get so overwhelmed? It was just Ted. Just a guy he hasn’t seen in years, he’s clearly over him. But it’s also the same guy, he dated back in High School. The guy he loved more than anything. 

He cried for months after their breakup. After Ted went away. 

But now he’s fine. He never missed him in the past few years. He doesn’t have any feelings left for him. It’s been like 15 years. The only reason he got overwhelmed, is that he hasn’t seen him for so long. 

He stares at his hands, already resting on the steering wheel. He stares at the ring on his finger. 

He can’t mess this up. He won’t. 


	2. Engaged

Henry puts the last paper down on the stack of already graded papers on the desk next to him. He‘s just about to get up, when he hears the door fall shut. 

He looks up and there Ted is. 

“Hi”, he says, coming in like this is normal.

“Hi?”

“Emma told me you’d be here.”

Henry gets up, shoving the stack of papers into his bag now. He doesn’t really dare to look at Ted. 

“She did”, he mumbles. 

This is weird. Like, sure, it’s good to see Ted, but it’s weird that he’s just suddenly there again, after 15 years. 

It’s also weird because Henry literally escaped, the last time they ran into each other. But they‘re not just running into each other now. Ted came here on purpose.

Ted stopped in front of the desk. He looks down on the little name tag now, smiling lightly. 

“Professor Hidgens”, he reads, “damn dude, you really made it in life, huh?”

“I guess”, Henry mumbles, even though he doesn’t feel like it at all. He’s barely proud of that title.

He just watches Ted, while Ted watches the tag, playing with it now. 

“How about you?”, Henry asks. 

“I live with my parents again. I don’t know what you expect me to answer.”

“Why are you here then?”

“Here? In Hatchetfield-here or here with you?”

“Here with me. In the lecture room.”

“Well I wanted to see you. Catch up, you know?”

“Catch up?”

“Yeah, haven’t seen you in years. But now I feel kind of shitty, since your life seems to be really sorted out and my life is a freaking mess.”

“I don’t have anything sorted out.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“Sorry.”

Henry sighs, slipping in his jacket now. 

“Are you done here?”, Ted asks. 

“I am.”

“Where are you going?”

“Home, most likely.”

“Are you hungry? We could get food and talk, maybe.”

Oh how tempting. Ted probably means it platonically, but Henry can’t do it. Not because he thinks Ted will try something, he wouldn’t. He simply feels like he can’t trust himself. Teds presence already makes him feel a little too flustered. He’s probably simply not used to seeing Ted anymore and is therefore feeling overwhelmed now, but still. 

He looks back at his hand and at the ring, nervously playing with it too. Ted doesn’t seem to notice, he simply looks at Henry, tries to catch his gaze. 

“I can’t”, Henry finally says. 

“Maybe tomorrow then?”

“No, I.. I _can’t_.”

Ted seems disappointed.

“Okay.. Can I ask why?”

“I’m engaged Ted.” He holds his hand up for a moment, showing him the ring.

“Oh.”

Henry stays silent, fumbling with the strap of his bag now. 

“Wow”, Ted mumbles. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Do I know him?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

“His name is Chad.”

“I’m sure he’s..nice.”

“He is.”

Ted’s gaze wanders through the room, he’s not looking at Henry anymore.

“But I meant..you know I’m not trying to get you back or anything. I meant as friends”, he says now.

“I know! I know, Ted, but I don’t think he would appreciate it, if I went out with my ex.”

He nods. “Makes sense.”

“Sorry.”

“It was good to see you though. You look good.”

“So do you.”

Ted smiles, almost looking sad now. 

“See you around then?”

“Sure.”

“Okay.”

Henry points to the door. 

“I can still walk you out, you know.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know but I want to.”

Ted takes a step back, hinting for Henry to go first, what he does. 

They walk through the quiet and empty corridors. Henry is the first one who dares to talk. 

“It’s been a long time. What have you been up to?”

Ted shrugs lightly. 

“This and that?”

“This and that. Alright.”

“I went to university, I got a job. Nothing much.”

“What happened? Why are you here?”

“Lost my job.”

“That’s it?”

“No, but I don’t want to talk about the rest.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“That’s my car.” Henry awkwardly points at it. 

“Nice one.”

Henry chuckles. “It’s a car.”

“Looks kinda fancy.”

“Does it?”

“I don’t know much about cars but yeah.”

Henry hesitates. 

“How do you get home?“

“On my feet probably.”

“I can drive you.” 

Henry would feel bad to just leave Ted there. Especially since he came there just to see him. 

Ted chuckles. 

“For someone who didn’t want to get food because he fears the jealousy of his soon-to-be husband, you are pretty clingy now.”

“I’m not clingy and driving you home is barely the same as going for dinner.”

“Huh, I don’t know.”

“Come on.” Henry opens the door for him. 

“Are you sure? There’s a thin line between driving someone home and cheating. I don’t want you to accidentally cross it.”

Oh God, he’s still so cocky. Henry always loved that, even though he never admitted that. And he probably never will. 

“Shut up and get in the car Ted.”

“Okay.”

—

They drive in silence at first. Ted is leaning into the seat, his head turned in Henrys direction and Henry can feel him staring at him. 

“What were _you_ up to?”, Ted asks after quite some time. 

Henry shrugs lightly. “Went to university, got a job..”, he says, kind of quoting Ted from earlier.

“..got engaged”, Ted adds.

“Yeah, that too.”

“Since when?”

“Two months.”

“And since when are you with him?”

“About a year. A little more than that.”

“That’s like.. pretty quick?”

“It is. But we’ve been friends for years before that.”

“How’d you meet?”

“University.”

“He’s smart too?”

“He did marine biology.”

“That sounds smart.”

Henry shrugs. 

“He got carried away and now he’s writing a book about how sharks go extinct and why people should care about it more.”

Ted chuckles. “But that does sound interesting. I didn’t know that.”

“It is. But he keeps talking about it. Sometimes it gets a little too much.”

“However, it’s gonna work.”

“What do you mean?”

“You two. You wouldn’t be engaged if you weren’t sure about it. You always know exactly what you are doing, you never make a mistake.”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t love him?”

“No I do. God, I do.”

“Good.”

Henry can see Ted smile in his peripheral vision, but he doesn’t dare to look at him to see if it’s genuine. 

“Your parents didn’t move, did they?”, he asks, when he realises he just drove into the direction of the address they lived at 15 years ago. 

“No. Do you still know where it is?”

“Of course I do.”

“Of course”, Ted mumbles. 

“I think, back then, I spend as much time there as I did at my own home. Maybe even more.”

“You also lost your virginity there”, Ted says. 

Henry doesn’t want to laugh, but he can’t help it. 

“You didn’t _have_  to bring that up.”

“Yes I did.”

“You’re horrible.”

“I’m not!”

“I hate you.”

“You do?” He seems genuinely worried.

“No”, Henry quickly says, “I could never.”

“Not even after our breakup?”

Henry hesitates. “I mean I certainly wanted to.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine, I think you were right. We would never have been able to make long distance work.”

“Probably.”

Henry steps on the brake now, carefully driving closer to the sidewalk next to Teds parents house. 

“Here we are.”

“Yes. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’ll see you around..” He chuckles to himself before adding a “Professor”.

Henry smiles. 

“Get out of the car Ted.”

“That doctorate is getting to your head. Watch out.”

“I’ll see you.”

“Yes.”

Ted goes for the door now, getting out of the car. He leans in again, looking at Henry for a few seconds. 

“You’re still hot for your age”, he finally says. 

Henry hopes he’s not blushing and simply shakes his head. 

“No. ..and we’re not that old Ted. We’re in our thirties.” 

“God, I feel so old sometimes. Don’t you?”

“No, I do.”

“Anyway, Chad’s a lucky guy.”

Henry smiles. 

“Ted..”

“See you.” He winks, before shutting the door. Henry watches him as he disappears, before he drives off. 

— 

Chad’s in the living room, typing into his laptop when Henry gets home. 

“Hey”, Henry says, quickly leaning down to kiss the top of Chads head, before he goes to the wardrobe to get rid of his jacket.

Chad smiles. 

“Hi“, he mumbles while he continues to type. “How was your day?”

“As wonderful as every day.”

“Don’t be so ironic. I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“Optimist”, Henry mumbles, „but yeah, it was alright.“

_I saw my ex and it was actually nice. I drove him home. You‘d like him._  

He doesn‘t say that. He’s not sure if Chad would like Ted anyway. Probably not. 

“There’s curry in the fridge if you’re hungry“, Chad says.

“There is?”

“Pretty sure. I made it.”

“Well thank you.”

“Love you”, Chad mumbles, deep in thought again, while reading through what he just wrote.

Henry smiles and goes for the kitchen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you are welcome to comment, if your heart desires to do that


	3. A Rainy Day In A Parking Lot

“You are early”, Emma says, when Henry stumbles into Beanies the next morning. 

“I am?”

“Yes. Afraid you’ll run into your ex again?”

“What?”

“Ted?”

“Oh. ..No.”

“You really did make a great escape yesterday. Did he find you?”

“Yes, he did.”

“Sorry I told him. He wouldn’t let it go.”

“It’s fine. I just kinda panicked when I first saw him.”

“Yeah, damn, huh? He got hot.”

Henry smiles. “He’s always been hot.”

“Keep it in your pants. You are engaged.”

“Oh god. _You_ mentioned it.”

“I did. Did you two go out for dinner?”

“No, but I drove him home.”

“How was it?”

“Weird. I don’t know. He’s the same but he still changed somehow.”

“Yeah right? First of all, oh my god, that moustache! Shit.”

“I thought it was okay.”

No, he thought it was freaking adorable, but Emma would mention Chad again and he doesn’t need her thinking that he’s lusting after Ted because he isn’t. Henry’s not a cheater and he would never consider it either. 

Ted and him was then and Chad and him are now. He’s not gonna wallow himself in the past, he loves Chad. 

“It makes him look like a creep”, Emma says.

“It does not, it’s cute.”

“Didn’t know you’re into staches.”

She pushes the cup towards him.

“I’m not. You’re just being mean now.”

“Ugh, maybe, sorry. I’ve been up since fucking five am, I’m dying.”

“Five am was two hours ago, you’ll have to wake up at some point.”

“Believe me, I won’t.”

“I know.”

He pushes the money towards her and she throws a cookie at him. 

“Have fun at work.”

“You too.”

—

It’s raining, when he gets out of the university. He curses and ponders whether or not it‘s gonna stop soon, before he decides to just run to his car. 

He makes it, but he gets pretty wet. He curses as soon as he’s sitting in his car and peels himself out of his jacket, throwing it on the backseat and turning the heater on. 

He just kind of sits there for a moment and tries to warm himself up, while the rain drums on the roof of the car. 

Then he pulls out of the parking lot and starts driving.

—

The streets are dead. People are hiding in random shops, if they already left the house, before it started. Then there’s one person, hurrying down the street on the sidewalk and it doesn’t take long for Henry to decipher that it’s Ted. Of course it is. 

He drives up to him, going slower as soon as he’s next to him. 

Ted doesn’t seem to notice, so he rolls the window down. 

“Ted!”

He looks up, confused at first. 

“Get in”, Henry just says, stopping the car now and rolling the window back up. 

Ted does get in and he is _soaked_. 

“Get in?”, he asks, “Thanks for making me feel like a prostitute.”

Henry snorts, laughing. 

“Take the jacket off.”

“I’m not actually a prostitute, you know that.”

“You’re getting the seat all wet.”

“Fine.”

He slips out of the jacket, keeping it in his lap. He’s shaking. The rain got through the jacket. His T-Shirt is just sticking to his skin. 

Henry started driving again, but he can see Ted shake in his peripheral vision and he can see him put his hands over the heater. 

“Alright I can’t take this. There’s another shirt in my bag.”

Ted looks up. “What?”

“You’re soaked and you’re freezing. Change the shirt at least.”

“Why do you have an extra shirt?”

“In case I spill something of course.”

“Of course”, he mumbles, as if he never takes an extra shirt. He probably doesn’t. 

“It’s in the bag, just take it.”

“Alright, fine.”

Ted reaches for the bag now, pulling out the shirt. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. What were you doing on the street anyway?”

“I don’t know. I thought it didn’t rain that hard and then I was soaked anyway.”

He tries to get out of his own shirt now, knocking his elbow against the door and it sounds kind of painful. 

“Are you okay?”, Henry asks. 

“Never been better.”

He pulls the shirt off and both of them awkwardly realise that he’s not wearing a shirt anymore. 

Henry just kind of keeps staring at the road and Ted quickly slips into the new shirt. 

“So”, Henry then says, “where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know. Where do _you_ want to go?”

For some reason, Henry really doesn’t want to just drop Ted at his parents house again. He’d love to spend a little more time with him and catch up. Seeing him again and talking to him the day before made him realise how much he missed him. Even in a platonic way. _Only_   in a platonic way.

“Are you hungry?” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Sure about what?”

“I mean that.. it sounded like you were asking me for dinner.”

“I was.”

“Are you sure you want to?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.”

“But you didn’t want to yesterday.”

“I guess. We can be friends though, right?”

“Sure. If you want to.”

“I’d love to try. Do you?”

“Yes. I could use a friend.”

“Friends it is then.”

—

They end up with Chinese takeaway in a parking lot. Chinese takeaway, because the first restaurants they tried to get into were full of people trying to escape the rain and then they were too lazy to keep looking. They didn’t really care too. 

It’s still raining and there are just about three other cars in that parking area. 

“What happened to theatre?”, Ted asks, after they just ate in silence for a while. 

“What do you mean?”

“You still do it right?”

“No, actually.”

“What?” He looks so shocked. 

“It was too unsure, I wouldn’t have been able to live off it if I did it professionally. And I don’t really have the time to maintain hobbies.”

“But you loved it.”

“I did. I still do. I still enjoy seeing them. And..-“ He kind of just cuts himself off before he can start ranting again. 

“And?”

“Nothing.”

“Yes, something. Say it.”

“It’s ridiculous.”

“Come on.”

“I’ve also been writing my own musical.”

Ted gets visibly exited.

“Can I read?”

“I don’t know.”

“Please.”

“No one’s read it except for Chad and he thought it was bad.”

“Fuck Chad. I’m sure it’s amazing.”

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t think it’s as bad as he said it was.”

“It’s a masterpiece.”

Henry laughs. “You haven’t read it yet, don’t get too excited.”

“What is it about? Do you have a title?”

“Do you really want to hear about it?” Henry is kind of surprised, because no one ever does. 

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”

“Alright. It’s called _‘Working Boys - A New Musical’_. I’m not sure if I’m gonna keep that though.”

“I like it.”

Henry looks up to make sure Ted actually means it and is not simply joking around. But he looks dead serious, so Henry continues. 

“It’s..the story of a group of old college chums. They found success in the business world but still, they can’t help but long for the simpler times. Back in that..” He makes a vague gesture. “..beat-up old house at the edge of college campus. But those glory days are gone for good.” 

He looks up at Ted again, smiling now. He was too caught up in his story, that he didn’t realise the way Ted watched him. He seems genuinely interested. Genuinely excited too. 

“Or..”, Henry continues quietly, making a dramatic pause, “are they?”

Ted’s jaw drops and he raises an eyebrow, brightly smiling now. 

“Fuck yeah”, he just says. 

Henry laughs. “Seriously?”

“Yes! Shit, that’s _so good_ Henry!” 

He doesn’t even seem to be kidding. 

Henry can’t help but smile, biting his bottom lip now. “Thanks.” 

“I want to read it. I can‘t wait until it‘s on Broadway.”

“It won’t be on _Broadway_ , Ted.”

“You gotta dream big. Why not?”

“Do you really think I could write something good enough for Broadway?”

“Yes?”

“Well you’ve always been my biggest fan, Richards. My only one too, I suppose.”

“You deserve more fans, you know?”

Henry chuckles. 

“I’m not even famous, why would I have fans?”

“I don’t know? But you will someday. They‘ll fucking worship you.“

“Huh.. I don’t know.”

“Can I read it now or what?”

“It’s not like I have it with me. And it’s not done. You’d probably be disappointed anyway.”

“I don’t care. Where did you get all that self-doubt? When did you become so self-conscious?”

“I’m not self-conscious.”

“Yes you are? The script is fucking amazing and we both know it.”

“You haven’t read it.”

“I still want to.”

“Fine, I’m gonna let you read it and then you’ll see.”

“I’ll see what?”

“You’ll see how wrong you are.”

“Listen sweetheart, I’m never wrong.”

“You are wrong so often Ted”, Henry says. He can’t help but smile a little because of that nickname, even though he tried really hard to ignore it, because good God. 

“Not this time.”

“We’ll see.”

“What’s the time?”

Henry quickly pulls his phone out.

“About seven.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you have somewhere to be?”

“No.. home eventually.”

“Are they waiting?”

“What? No. My mom’s probably happy that I’m socialising.”

Henry chuckles. 

“I can’t think of a time you weren’t socialising. You’ve always been the first one talking to everyone.”

“People change, Hidgens.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we haven’t seen each other in fifteen years and my life hasn’t been exactly.. pleasant. People can be really shitty.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s mine.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay?”

“Nothing, but..a lot. Nothing I would want to talk about though. It’s embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing”, Henry quietly repeats, deep in thought now. 

He watches Ted hesitantly, who is staring out of the window. The sun is already setting and there’s a warm orange light, making Teds face glow. The light is beautiful but Ted looks kind of uneasy now. 

“Are you okay?”, Henry asks. 

Ted seems to snap out of a thought, flinching a little. 

“Never been better. I’m here now, right? I’m back in Hatchetfield, I’ve got this.”

“You’ve got this.” 

Whatever _this_ is. Maybe his life, maybe that’s what he means. 

Ted simply smiles, nodding now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment and leave kudos!


	4. Henry Is Not A Cheater

He spends more time with Ted in the next few days. More than he should, probably. More time than he spends with Chad. _But_  it‘s all platonic.

Henry is not a cheater. 

But now it’s in the middle of the night and he’s wide awake, because he can’t sleep because he’s thinking too much. He can hear Chad’s quiet breathing next to him. 

He looks over to him, watches him lay there in his pillow, all peaceful and pretty. He‘s so pretty. Pretty and handsome and nice. He‘s a good person. He‘s so perfect. 

So why is Henry laying awake thinking about Ted? 

Good God, he‘s _engaged_ to that guy. He should be way happier about that than he is. Chad is a catch. Chad is the ultimate ideal of a boyfriend, a husband. So why does it feel so wrong? 

Henry hesitates, before he rolls over to Chad, careful not to wake him. He slips under his arm and cuddles against his upper body, carefully resting his head on his shoulder. Chad doesn‘t wrap his arms around Henry and pulls him closer or anything. Why would he? He‘s deep asleep. 

Henry closes his eyes and focuses on Chad. On his warm body, his soft skin. His unique (and good) smell. Henry can‘t even describe it. It just smells like Chad. It smells like his dorm room, in college. It smells like the apartment they shared afterwards, only roommates then. It smells like all of his clothes do. Henry remembers how he used to steal Chad’s clothes, after they got together. How he used to wear his sweaters, especially when Chad was out of town, so he would feel less alone. He always loved the Chad-smell it always gave him security and a warm feeling in his gut. 

Now he feels torn up and that smell just makes him want to cry. He doesn‘t want to loose Chad, he‘s his best friend. But he doesn’t want to stop spending time with Ted either. He lost him once, he can‘t loose him again.

 

—

 

“Spending a lot of time with Ted recently, huh?”, Emma asks, while he’s sitting at the counter in Beanies, drinking his coffee. He was too early, because he couldn’t sleep so he just gave up at some point, thinking maybe coffee would help his situation. 

“Hm”, he just mutters, maybe for an answer. 

“Like..a lot of time”, Emma says. 

“We‘re friends.”

“Sure.”

“We _are_.”

The door pings. Henry doesn’t look up, but Emma does. 

“Hey Paul! ..and Ted? You are up early.”

“Paul made me do it”, Teds voice says. 

Henry turns around to see him. Ted gives him a little wave and smiles. 

“What happened? Why are you wearing that?”, Emma keeps on asking. 

Ted’s wearing a button-up and a tie. It’s adorable, in a weird kind of way. The button up is a little big on him, but for some reason, it fits perfect that way. Henry doesn’t know if it’s big on purpose or if that’s just the only one he has. Either way, it looks good, even if the tie is done all wrong. 

“Paul got me a job interview, I‘m so fucking tired”, Ted explains. 

Paul looks at him, raising an eyebrow. “ _But_  thankful!”, Ted quickly adds, “tired but thankful.”

Paul smiles and so does Henry. 

Henry quickly tries to stop it though, when he catches Emma looking at him. She raises an eyebrow, but quickly turns her attention back to Paul and this is probably the first time that Henry is actually thankful for Emmas crush on Paul. 

They start talking and Ted comes over to him. 

“Hey Professor.”

Henry smiles. “Don’t you dare.”

“I’m still not over it.”

“Will you ever be?”

“Nah. But I’m wearing a suit now, I’m a serious man myself.”

Henry chuckles. 

“I’ve never seen a more serious man.”

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?” He tries to look offended but he’s really not. 

“Your tie..”, Henry gestures at it.

“Yeah, I can’t do ties. Is it that bad?”

“Come here.”

“Where?”

Henry reaches for his tie and pulls him closer. Ted just kind of stumbles to him. 

“I can’t even look at this”, Henry mumbles, before he goes to loosen the tie, completely unraveling it now. 

He can feel Ted watching him, but he keeps his own gaze concentrated on the tie, while tying it right. 

“Here you go”, he mumbles, as he finishes. “Now you’re a serious man.”

Ted laughs quietly. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

He looks up to him, quickly lowering his gaze again, when he realises that Emma is staring at them. He can see it in his periphery. Paul too. 

So he just kind of weirdly pats the tie and Ted steps back a little, thank God. 

“Wait, I got your shirt”, Ted then says, rifling through the little bag he’s carrying. Henry only now noticed it. 

Then Ted pulls out the shirt, giving it to Henry. Henry takes it and weirdly jiggles it, for some unknown reason. “Thanks.”

“No, I’m thanking you.”

Henry smiles. “Alright.”

And after a glance at the clock, he realises he should get going. 

“Good luck”, he therefore says, while he slips off his stool. 

“Thank you, I’ll need it.”

“You don’t.”

“I do.”

Henry rolls his eyes. “Goodbye”, he just says, before he turns to Emma and Paul, who quickly try and pretend they didn’t just watch all of this. 

“Bye Emma and Paul.”

Paul gives him a little smile and Emma waves. 

Then he leaves. 

—

Emma attacks him the second he steps into Beanies, the next morning. 

“What the fuck Henry? Come here.”

He hesitantly steps closer. There are no other people in there, just Emma and him. And she looks really angry. For a moment he thinks about just leaving again. 

“What is it?”

“What is it?! Why did he have your _fucking_ shirt?”

“Because it was raining and his was wet.”

“Sure.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“I don’t, actually.”

“Wow, alright.”

“Henry are you cheating on Chad?”

“No!”

“You don’t have to lie to _me._ ”

“I’m not.”

“You are!”

“No! I’m telling the truth.”

“Henry, Chad is a nice guy. He doesn’t deserve that.”

“I’m not cheating on him and I’m not planning to either. I love him.”

“Seriously? You’re gonna settle on lying?”

“I’m not lying.”

He’s tired. He didn’t sleep again.

He rubs his eyes, sighing now. 

Not even Emma believes him. She’s supposed to be his friend, right? 

“And what the fuck was up with his tie? That was _fucking intimate_?”

Henry stays silent. 

“You’re not gonna say anything?”

“You won’t believe me anyway.”

She looks at him, her eyes narrowed. 

“Seriously? Are _you_ going to be the huffed one now?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I come in here and you’re insulting me. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“So you’re the victim now? Shit, Henry.”

She throws her hands in the air, she looks so done. She really does believe he’s cheating.

He slightly shakes his head and turns to go. 

“Where are you going?”, she asks. 

“Starbucks.”

“Fuck you.”

“No, fuck you.”

He leaves. He doesn’t go to Starbucks, he goes for his car. 

He’s late for work, but he still spends some time sitting in there, without driving. He never had a fight with Emma. Not a serious one anyway. But this seems serious. 

She was so angry. She’s probably mostly worried, but how dare she not believe him? Well now he‘s angry too. Because he’s  not cheating and she should know that. They’ve known each other forever. 

— 

Chad’s waiting for him, when he gets home. He gets up from the couch, as soon as Henry closes the door and for some reason, Henry just knows that he knows. 

He didn’t tell him about Ted. Not because he’s cheating or planning on doing so, he isn’t. It’s just that he feels like Chad wouldn’t understand. And then he’d be jealous for nothing. 

But considering the look on his face, that was a bad idea. 

Chad steps towards Henry, looking sad and disappointed. 

“Can we talk?”, he asks. 


	5. Can We Talk?

(“Can we talk?”, he asks.)

Henry lightly shakes his head. He‘s already panicking and they didn‘t even start talking yet. 

“I’m not cheating on you”, he quickly answers. 

Chad seems to hesitate for a moment. He watches Henry, nearly scanning him with his gaze. Maybe he‘s looking for a sign that he‘s been with someone else just now. A piece of clothing that‘s not his or a hickey maybe. 

“Are you sure?”, he then asks. 

“Please Chad, not you too. You know I would never.” 

Henry’s gonna cry soon, if they are going to keep on doing this and they most likely are. 

“Do I?”

Henry nods. He puts his bag down now and carefully steps closer to Chad.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”, Chad asks. 

“I thought.. I don’t know.”

“Do you know how suspect that sounds? You’re seeing your ex again and you’re making it a big secret. If it’s just platonic, why couldn’t you tell me?”

Henry can feel the tears begin to form in his eyes. He feels like he’s loosing Chad in that exact moment. He feels like he’s gonna slip through his hands like water and there’s nothing he can do about it. It’s his fault too. It’s all his fault. He should have seen it coming. 

“Chad”, he just mumbles. 

Chad has tears in his eyes too. He’s blinking now and avoiding Henrys gaze. 

“I’m sorry. I know how that sounds but we’re nothing more than friends. I promise”, Henry mutters. 

“I had to hear it from Emma. Do you know how dumb I felt when she realised I didn’t even know?”

Henry shakes his head. A tear runs over his cheek and he can see Chad make a little step towards him, to comfort him, but then he stops himself and lets his arms sink.

“You don’t believe me”, Henry states quietly. 

“I’m not sure.”

“Please believe me. I would never cheat on you, you have to believe me.”

He steps closer to Chad, cupping his face now, with both of his hands.

“I’m sorry, believe me, I love you.”

That’s when the first tear rolls over Chads cheek. He sniffles quietly and lowers his gaze. 

“I love you too. But..” He’s scrunching his nose, sniffling again. 

Henry goes to dry Chads tears with his thumbs, but Chad ducks out of his touch and instead stumbles backwards. Henry wants to comfort him, make him feel better, but how can he, when he’s the reason that Chad is feeling miserable in the first place?

So they just stand there, both crying. Henry is looking at Chad and Chad is looking away. 

“Chad I didn’t sleep with him or kiss him or..even think about doing so.”

He doesn’t answer. 

“We’re friends, nothing more. I didn’t want you to worry about nothing, that’s why I didn’t tell you. But I would have, at some point.”

“At some point? When is that? After our wedding?”

“No, I..”

“God, can’t you see how much you’ve hurt me?”

“I‘m sorry.” He doesn’t even see Chad anymore, he’s just a blur under his tears. “I’m so sorry”, he whispers again. 

“I can’t even look at you.”

“Chad..”

“Give me a break, will you?”

He just turns around and leaves Henry standing there. 

“Chad!”

He doesn’t come back and so Henry is left alone with his thoughts and self-hatred comes over him like a tsunami.

Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did he genuinely think he had his life under control? How could he believe that? He never had anything for sure. Chad and him have always been like a dream, too good, maybe even too perfect, to actually be true. And now reality is hunting him for being an oblivious dreamer. 

But he can still fight right? He will. 

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment, before he looks up and blinks as he tries to make himself stop crying. 

He fails miserably but he still decides on following Chad. 

He finds him in the kitchen, where he stands with his back facing the door, his elbows are resting on the counter and he buried his face in his hands. He‘s shaking lightly, crying obviously. 

“Chad?”

He flinches and straightens up, but he doesn’t turn around to Henry. He only speaks, quietly. 

“You’ve violated every bit of trust I had in you, even if you didn’t cheat.”

His voice is shaky. 

“I didn’t.”

“You lied to me. We’re supposed to be able to trust each other and I feel like I.. I can’t.”

It’s quiet for a while. 

Henry is pretty sure that he can feel his own heart beating heavy in his chest. Too heavy.

“Are you going to break up with me?”, he finally dares to ask. 

Chad turns around. He opens his mouth to answer, but then he stays silent. 

“I love you”, Henry quietly repeats. 

Chad runs his hands over his face, maybe to get rid of the tears. His hands are trembling and so are his lips. Him rubbing his face was for nothing, because the tears just keep coming and they keep breaking Henrys heart. 

He steps closer to Chad again. He extends his arm to comfort him, but decides against it when Chad shies away. 

“Chad?” It sounds like a whimper. God he’s so pathetic, isn’t he? First he destroyed everything by himself and now he’s begging for forgiveness. He doesn’t even deserve to be forgiven. 

“I don’t want to break up with you”, Chad finally says.

“But you will?”, Henry asks, fearing the worst. 

Chad shakes his head. 

“You promise nothing happened?”

“I promise. I‘d never do something like that.”

Chad nods lightly. “I know. ..I know you.”

Henry has never felt more relieved. Especially when Chad steps closer to him and reaches for his hands. 

“You’ll have to be honest in the future okay?”, Chad asks. 

Henry nods. 

“Seriously. This is not going to work otherwise.”

Henry nods again. 

Chad leans closer to him. 

He lets go of one of his hands and holds out his little finger instead. “Promise?”, he asks again, softly.

Henry nods and interlocks his finger with Chad’s.

“Promise.” 

Chad pulls him into a delicate kiss. He’s always been like that. Forgiving and so caring. And soft, so soft with his delicate kisses. 

Henry closes his eyes and kisses him again, before he leans into a hug and buries his face in Chad’s neck. He can feel Chad pull him even closer and he finally manages to relax a little. 

He’s not going to mess this up anymore. This is what he wants. Not Ted or anyone else. 

— 

Henry doesn’t go to Beanies the next day. Because Emma is probably still mad at him and he is mad at her too. She is going to have to apologise, she was wrong after all. 

He’s tired the whole day, obviously lacking caffeine. He should have at least gone to Starbucks. He will tomorrow.

He’s actually relieved when his last lecture is over and his students leave. He just kind of sits there for a moment. He rubs his eyes and takes a deep breath as he tries to get himself to wake up. 

He nearly flinches, when someone knocks. 

It’s Ted. 

“Hey are you alright? Paul told me you and Emma had a fight”, he just says, while allowing himself in. 

“We did”, Henry mumbles.

“Oh, sorry.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure?”

Henry nods. 

“You look like shit, man.”

Henry can’t help but smile at this. 

“At least you’re honest.”

“I’d never _lie_ to you.”

“How reassuring.”

They stay silent for a while. 

“You’re not alright, are you?”, Ted then asks. 

“I’m just tired.”

“Nah.”

Henry gets up now and starts gathering his things. 

“I had a fight with Emma and then with Chad, I’m just.. exhausted.”

“Oh shit, are you and Chad alright?”

“We are now, but..” Henry stops himself. How can he tell him that it’s for the best if they don’t see each other for a while? He can’t just cut Ted off like this and he doesn’t want to either. 

But he wants to get things right with Chad. 

“Oh”, Ted mumbles. “My fault?”

“No! I mean.. no. Mine.”

“Yours..”

“It doesn’t matter, we’re fine now.”

“That’s good.”

“Yes.”

“I was actually going to ask you if you want to get food, but..”

“Oh, I.. can’t.”

“Can’t-can’t or can’t?”

“I just can’t.”

He should take a break from Ted. Just for a few days. And then they can be friends again. 

Henry stands there, still holding his notebook, because for some reason he didn’t dare to move. 

“Okay”, Ted says, “Walk me out?”

The question is quiet. Almost like he barely dares to ask. 

“Sure.” Henry quickly shoves the notebook in his bag and closes it, before he gestures for Ted to lead the way. 

 

“How was the interview?”, he asks, only now remembering it, while they walk to his car.

“I don’t know yet. I mean it was alright I guess, but he’s gonna call me. At least I hope he does.”

“Good. That’s good, right?”

He shrugs. 

“The tie saved it for sure.”

Henry chuckles. 

“You’re welcome then.”

When they arrive at his car, both of them hesitate. 

“Henry?”, Ted asks. 

“Yes?”

“I get it. It’s okay.”

Henry looks up, chewing on his lip now, out of nervousness. 

“You get it?”

“Yeah. Chad. He’s why you can’t, right? I get it. This was a bad idea. Us being friends and everything. I’m sorry.”

Henry shakes his head. 

“No, I want to be your friend, I just..”

“He’s jealous right? It’s fine. If that’s what it takes, I’m okay with it. You deserve to be happy, you know.”

“So do you.”

“Jesus, don’t worry about _me._ ”

“Well I do. You’ve changed, you know.”

Ted shrugs. 

“Both of us did.”

Henry nods. He doesn’t dare to say how broken Ted looks, how weary he seems with every movement, every word. 

“Let’s take a break I guess?”, Ted says. 

“Just for a while.”

Ted nods, gifting Henry a little smile.

“I’ll see you around, Hidgens.”

Henry smiles at those words. That’s how Ted used to say goodbye to him back in Highschool. 

“You wish, Richards”, he quotes his past self, making Ted smile too. 

He goes to open the car door, but hesitates before getting inside. It feels weird, just letting Ted stand there. 

“Do you want me to drive you home?”, he therefore asks. 

Ted shakes his head. 

“I like walking actually. But thank you.”

“Alright. I’ll see you Ted.”

“Yeah. See you.”


	6. Henry Is Falling Apart

Henry doesn’t meet Ted anymore. He wants to get things right with Chad. He promised Chad and he promised himself. 

It’s been two weeks now, since he last saw him and if he’s being honest, it doesn’t work like he hoped it would. 

He misses Ted, even though he would rather die than say that out loud. It drives him completely mad and he’s mad at himself for feeling that way. 

He was fine before Ted got back. He stopped missing him about two years after they broke up. He stopped missing him and he moved on and he was fine.

And now he had Ted back for a few weeks and suddenly it all comes crashing down on him, suddenly he remembers what was missing. Ted was.

His life doesn’t work anymore. Things with Chad don’t work like they used to. When he kisses him, Ted jumps in his mind like some kind of plaque, he’s loosing his mind. 

—

“Henry?”

“Huh?”

He’s laying next to Chad on the couch, arms wrapped around his upper body and his head is resting on Chad’s shoulder. 

Chad lets his hand ghost over Henrys cheek and through his hair. 

“Are you okay? You seem to zone out a lot recently.”

“Sorry, yes. I’m fine.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

“But I am.” If he didn’t think about Ted all the time, things would still work. 

Henry is being an asshole and he knows that and he knows that Chad doesn’t deserve any of this because Chad is an actual angel, he’s the nicest person Henry has ever met. Henry feels really bad that someone like Chad is stuck in an engagement with an idiot like him. 

Chad deserves so much better and Henry is not even sure how all of this happened. Of course he remembers them being friends. He remembers how they drunkenly shared kisses one night and how Chad confessed his feelings the next morning, when they were sober again. How he said, he wishes they could be more than friends. He remembers how he felt the same and how happy he was. 

And now this is how it all falls apart in less than a month. How could he let that happen? 

“Is it because of the fight two weeks ago?”, Chad keeps asking. 

“Good God, no.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“I don’t know.”

Henry looks up to him. 

“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself.”

“What for?”

“Nothing.”

Chad looks at him for a moment, scans him. 

“I love you?”, he whispers. It sounds like a question. Maybe it is. 

Henry answers by pulling him into a kiss. 

It doesn’t work. Ted pops up like an annoying advertisement. 

Henry opens his eyes and looks at Chad for a moment. Chads eyes are still closed and he’s leaning into Henrys touch. 

It makes Henry realise how much Chad loves him. It makes Henry want to cry. He kisses him again, because maybe this time it’ll work. Maybe this time the little switch in his brain will click back and everything will be alright again. 

He reaches for Chad’s pullover and pulls it up a little, while he desperatelykeeps pressing his lips to Chad’s. 

Then the first tears roll over his cheeks. 

Chad pulls back. 

“Henry?”

“Don’t you want to?” 

“I do but I think you don’t.”

“No, I do.”

He kisses Chad again. 

Chad reaches for his face and carefully puts his fingers over his mouth.

“Are you sure?”, he asks. 

Henry nods. He wants to feel _something_. It’s worth a try. 

”Henry, you’re literally crying.”

“Just a little.”

“Why?”

Henry doesn’t answer and instead reaches for Chad’s pullover again and pulls on it, questioningly looking up. 

Chad hesitates, before he takes Henrys hand into his and pulls it away from his pullover. 

“Henry what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Yes, nothing.”

“I‘m not stupid, you know.”

Henry sits up now and Chad follows him. He lets his arms sink and he’s just looking at Henry for a moment. 

“I want to want this”, Henry finally says, sniffling quietly. 

Chad frowns. “But you don’t?”

Henry shrugs. More tears. He’s an actual waterfall. 

“I want to”, he just says again. 

“This?”, Chad asks, “Us?”

Henry nods. 

“Us“, Chad mumbles, as if he‘s confirming something. “Because of him?”

“Ted?”

“Ted.. Yeah.”

“It’s not because of him. I’m not cheating.”

“I know, I just.. thought that maybe him being back made you realise how you’ll always love him more than me or something.”

That’s exactly what happened. Henry shakes his head, like the liar he is.

“I love you.”

“Like you’d love a friend?”

“Chad..”

He’s right though. Spending time with Ted made Henry realise that he doesn‘t love Chad as much as he thought he did. Sure, he loves him, he loves him a lot. But more in a platonic way. There are no butterflies anymore, there haven’t been for a while, way before Ted got back. 

Kissing Chad feels like kissing a friend and you shouldn’t kiss friends, not in a romantic way, if you wanna stay friends. 

“Sorry”, Chad mumbles now, “I just feel like I’m loosing you and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

_You are,_  Henry wants to say. 

And not only is Chad loosing him, Henry’s also loosing himself. 

But he shakes his head instead and leans closer to Chad, to place a kiss on his cheek. 

“I’m here”, he says. 

Chad reaches for his face, to wipe the tears away. 

”You are”, he says, smiling tearily. 

Is he actually there? Physically, sure.  But he’ll never love Chad as much as he loved Ted and he wishes he could be okay with that and settle with Chad, but he can’t. 

— 

Henry misses his old life. Not just how things were with Chad. He misses Emma too. 

He doesn‘t go to Beanies anymore but he parks near it every morning and tries to find the courage to get out of the car and step inside and apologise, but he’s too much of a coward to actually do it, so he always ends up driving away without a coffee and a cookie. Without having said what it is he’s been trying to say for weeks. Three simple words. _I am sorry_. It shouldn’t be that hard. 

Every day he is mad at himself, for being like that. His life could be perfect, if it wasn’t for him. Sometimes he just cries himself to sleep, because he feels like he’s falling apart and then he hopes Chad doesn’t notice. 

He started smoking frequently again too. He only ever used to smoke when he was really stressed, because Chad never liked it and of course Henry knows how bad it is for him too. So he only did it when he felt like he really _really_ needed it. 

But to be perfectly clear, he’s actually still only smoking when he feels particularly stressed out. 

It’s just that he now feels stressed out all the time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is gonna be Ted and Henry again, I promise!!


	7. What If

“Henry?”

Henry flinchingly turns around and sees Ted. He almost lets go of the grocery’s he’s holding, out of shock. 

“Oh. Hey”, he manages. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine.”

“I just saw you and thought I’d say hi.”

“Well, hi then.”

Henry opens the trunk of his car and pushes the bags in there. After he closed it again, he actually looks at Ted for the first time. He’s wearing that adorable suit again. 

“You got it?”, Henry asks. 

“Huh?”

“The job.” Henry gestures at the suit. 

“Oh, yeah.”

“How is it?”

Ted chuckles. “Fucking boring, but at least they pay me.”

“Money is always good.”

“Yeah, right?”

Henry nods. 

Who does his heart think it is? Beating so goddamn fast and heavy. 

“How are you?”, Ted asks now. 

“Great.. Fine.” Well that was an obvious lie. Henry feels like Ted noticed it, but at least he pretends he didn’t. 

“Cool.”

“Yeah. Cool.”

“I’ll head home then”, Ted says, while pointing in some kind of direction. 

“Wait.” What is he doing? “We should celebrate.”

“Celebrate?” Ted looks at him in confusion. Eyebrows raised and lips in a hesitant smile. 

“Your job.”

“Oh, it’s fine.”

“No, we should.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

No, because it’s not. It’s not a good idea, it’s the worst idea anyone’s ever had. 

“Ted, we can be friends.”

“Can we though?” No. 

“Sure.”

Henry can see Ted hesitate, he can see him ponder. 

“Okay”, Ted finally says.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. What do we do?”

“We buy booze.”

“You’re just looking for an excuse to get drunk, right?”

“Maybe.”

Ted laughs quietly and Henry can’t help but admire him with his dimples and the small wrinkles unter his eyes. 

“Okay, come on let’s do it. It’s not the worst idea we’ve had”, Ted says.

It probably is, but Henry is too done with his life to actually care. It’s not like he can make things worse. Like sure he can, he could actually loose Chad. But if he’s being honest, he knows that he’s going to loose Chad soon anyway. He knows that he should break up as soon as he can find the courage, because it’s not fair, the way he’s treating Chad. He’s being a dick and he knows it. 

— 

They drove to the beach. It’s not that far and it’s abandoned, because it’s almost winter and it’s in the evening. Another reason is that they used to come here back in highschool. 

They sat down on the car, on the hood, because the sand is too wet and it’s not like they brought a blanket. 

They barely talked till now. Henry opened a bottle of booze and they’re taking turns drinking. Henry is staring straight at the ocean, but he can feel Ted look at him. Ted kind of validates that feeling when he starts talking. 

“You’re not fine, are you?”

“Did you come here to therapy me?”

“Kinda.”

Henry looks up. “I’m fine.”

“No.”

Henry doesn‘t answer because Ted is right and both of them know it. He just takes another gulp. More than one, he‘s actually chugging now. 

“Henry.”

“No.”

Ted reaches for the bottle now and takes it from him. Not to drink, just to make sure Henry takes a break. 

“Are you and Chad alright?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Everything is a mess.”

“Tell me about it.” Ted drinks now. 

“Have you ever felt like.. like you’re living someone else’s life? Like it’s a good life, but you don’t seem to fit in it.”

“Is that how you feel?”

“I don’t know how I feel anymore. I love Chad, but.. I feel like he loves me more than I love him and I think that’s not fair..for him. I should worship him, but I‘m just.. being a dick. He deserves so much better and I hate myself for it.“

“Woah.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you obviously needed to let that out.”

“Not on you.” 

“Stop, it’s fine. But you know, he’s not too good for you. No one can be, because you’re the best there is.”

Henry lets out a quiet laugh-sob and starts crying at the same time. 

“No, you don’t get it. He never did anything wrong. He loves me and he shows that. And he’s so nice, he’s so nice all the time, even though I’ve hurt him. And I’m not giving anything back. I’m sneaking off to the beach with you instead and I’m drinking. And I’m smoking again, he hates that and so do I, but I-..”, he sobs, interrupting himself. 

Ted hesitates, before he gives the bottle back to him. 

Henry takes it and immediately chugs a few gulps, before he puts it down on the roof of the car. Ted hesitates again, before he puts his hand on Henrys shoulder. Henry scoots over to him and lets himself sink in Teds arms, without really thinking about it. And as soon as Ted is actually hugging him back, it feels too good to back away again. 

“I hate my life, but I shouldn’t hate it because it’s perfect. What’s wrong with me?”, he whispers. 

“Not everybody has the same ‘perfect’, maybe you just don’t fit in that one. That’s okay. Nothing is wrong with _you_.” 

“I don’t want to break Chad’s heart like that.”

“Yeah.. I know.”

They stay silent for a while. Henry is crying in Teds chest and Ted is holding him close, not yet pulling away, even though his position seems quite uncomfortably. He‘s still sitting squarely, holding Henry‘s weight as well as his own. Until he seems to give up (a few minutes later) and he just sort of lets himself sink on his back, against the windshield, pulling Henry along. 

It‘s weird, just laying there, holding each other. It seems a little too intimate but it feels a little too good. 

Henry manages to calm down after a while. Sobbing-wise. He’s still a mess. 

“Do the ‘What if’”, he quietly mumbles now. 

It’s a game they used to play back in highschool. 

Henry would ask a what if question and Ted would make up a whole new future. Sometimes it was just banal stuff, like _‘What if we went for popcorn instead of nachos earlier?’_ when they were at the movies. Henry loved those. The banaler the question, the absurder Teds story. 

Sometimes it would be more serious. Stuff like _‘What if you didn’t have had to sit next to me in biology?’_

Henry still remembers Teds answer to that one. _‘I would have ran into you on the corridor, like in those cheesy-ass movies. Your books would have fallen to the ground and both of us would kneel down to pick them up. Then our gazes would meet and you’d head over heels fall in love with me. Same goes for me, falling for you. Then I’d ask you out and you’d say yes.’_

Henry had laughed. 

_‘Cheesy’_ , he had said, _‘I love it.’_

Ted hesitates for a while now and Henry almost starts to think that he’s not going to want to do it or that he simply forgot about it. 

“Which moment would you change?”, he finally asks.

Henry smiles and starts playing with Teds jacket for some reason, while he thinks about a question. 

“What if..”, he hesitates, before continuing with: “What if we didn’t break up? What if we tried long-distance?”

He can feel Teds hand caressing his back and this would be romantic if it wasn’t for Chad waiting for him at home. He closes his eyes and focuses on Ted, before the guilt can come and drown him again. He can drown later.

“We’d have nailed long-distance”, Ted says. 

“You think so?”

“Yes. Lots of phone calls, lots of video calls though. We’d miss each other like hell but we’d meet as often as possible and it would work. Now we’d be living in a house, somewhere in this town. I would have come back for you after university, you never wanted to leave. You’d teach biology but you’d still give theatre classes. I would think it’s hot that you have a doctorate and you’d tease me about it. I’d probably have a shitty business job, but I wouldn’t mind, since I’d have you and that would be more than enough for me to be happy.”

Henry chuckles. 

“You’d think my doctorate is hot?”

“I kinda do for real.”

“Kinky.”

“What? No!”

Henry laughs and looks up at Ted, who’s laughing too. 

“Good God Ted”, he mumbles.

“Don’t expose me like this.”

“You exposed yourself.”

“I guess.”

Ted locks his eyes with Henrys and for a while, neither of them is able to look away.

Henry catches himself moving his hand up to Teds cheek, cupping it gingerly. Ted reaches for his hand and takes it in his. He looks at the ring, before he goes on. 

“And that ring... I would have given that to you.”

Henry lightly pulls his hand away. He can’t help but imagine all of this. It sounds amazing. Imperfectly perfect. He’s still kind of too close to Ted. He finds himself longing for a kiss. He already imagines how well their lips would fit together. They always did.

“That sounds nice”, he whispers. He doesn’t dare saying it too loud. What the hell is he doing here anyway? 

“I think we shouldn’t meet anymore”, Ted suddenly says. 

Henry looks up, surprised now. 

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“Oh.” Yes he does. 

He forces himself to sit up now, slipping out of Teds arms. Ted sits up too and immediately starts apologising. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. But can you resent it? You‘re such a goddamn angel Henry.”

“No, _I’m_ sorry.”

“Are you mad?”

“No. Why would I be mad?”

“Because I fell for you again.”

There it is. Hanging in the air like intoxicating smoke, but Henry wouldn’t mind being intoxicated for a while. He wouldn’t mind feeling like this forever. 

“Oh.”

“You didn’t realise? Come on.”

“I mean..” He feels the same. 

“You’re engaged”, Ted says, as a matter of fact. Not to remind Henry, because Henry _knows_. Ted most likely tries to remind himself. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry”, he then says and slips from the car. 

“Wait!”, Henry scrambles off the car as well. 

“What?”

“I..”

“Don’t do this to me.”

“Do what?”

“I said I’m sorry. We shouldn’t meet anymore. Don’t make me regret leaving by looking at me like that now.”

“I don’t look at you like anything.”

“Yes you do! You look exactly the same way you did when I broke up with you. You always make it so fucking hard for me to leave even though I _know_  it’s the right thing.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I should go.”

“..yes.”

“Okay.”

“Goodbye.”

“I’ll see you around.. maybe.”

“Yes.”

Ted turns around.

“I can drive you, you know?”

“I want to walk.”

“We’re at the edge of nowhere.”

“I need to be alone.”

“Okay.” 

He turns back to Henry for a moment. 

“But thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

Then he leaves for real. 

Henry is left alone. Standing in front of his car and crying again, like the waterfall he has come to be. 

He has to break up with Chad and he knows it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda like this chapter and I hope so do you  
> Feel free to comment! (duh, as always)


	8. Chad And Henry Break Up

He cries all the way home and he cries when he unlocks the door. 

“Chad?”, he asks. 

“Henry?”, he can hear Chad, already sounding concerned. He steps into the corridor. “Oh shit, are you okay?”

Henry shakes his head, crying even more. 

“Chad, I..”

Chad’s eyes widen. 

“Oh”, he whispers.

“No!”, Henry quickly says. 

“No?”

“I didn’t just cheat on you.”

“Thank god.”

“But I.. we need to talk.”

Chad looks sad, but he nods. “I know.”

“You know?”

“You’re not happy anymore, are you?”

Henry can’t do anything but shrug lightly. Because Chad’s right, he’s not happy, he’s the opposite from happy. 

“Do you really think I never heard how you cry yourself to sleep recently?”

To be honest, yes. He really thought, or at least he hoped, Chad didn’t hear any of that.

“And you started smoking again, you don’t do that when you’re happy. Shit Henry”, Chad goes on. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not even your fault, is it?” He sounds upset. Both of them know, this is it. 

“I feel like it is.”

“It’s not. It’s not your fault, you don’t love me anymore. I can’t even be mad at you.”

“No, I love you! I love you, just..” 

“Just not in that way”, Chad finishes.

Henry lets his gaze drop to the ground, too afraid to look at him. “Yes.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes?”

“Did you ever love me like _that_?”

“Of course I did.”

Chad seems almost surprised, like he didn’t expect it. 

“I just feel like we’ve always been better as friends.”

Chad nods lightly. 

“Being with you always felt too perfect, never real”, Henry adds.

Chad lets out a quiet mix between a chuckle and a sob. He nods. 

“That’s such a weird reason to break up, huh?”

Henry nods. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want it to end like this.”

“I know, me neither.”

“I love you Chad, but you deserve so much better than me.”

Chad’s crying too by now. 

“Better than you?”, he asks, as if that’s ridiculous and impossible. Henry knows for a fact that it’s not. 

“We should have stayed friends”, Henry says, at the thought of loosing his best friend forever because they decided to try being more than that. 

“We can be again.”

“Are you sure?”

Chad nods. “Yes. ..I’ll need time, but maybe in a year we’ll meet again and it won’t hurt as much.”

Henry can’t hold back that sob. 

“I’m so sorry for destroying this.”

Chad shakes his head. “No.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you.”

Henry nods. 

“Love you too.”

Chad steps closer to Henry and pulls him into a hug. 

“I could see how much you hated yourself recently and I can’t take that anymore. You deserve every happiness, alright?”

Henry just sobs more.

“I mean it. I know you. Don’t beat yourself up over this.”

Henry nods lightly but it’s a lie. He hates himself for doing this. He lost Chad, his best friend for years, his fiancé. He was going to marry him. They could have been happy, maybe. 

He can feel Chad shake under his sobs, crying too. Chad tries to be strong but he’s not. And that’s what Henry hates the most. 

Chad is not even mad at him, he’s just hurt. He’s still so nice to him, still making sure Henry is going to be okay. And Henry just broke his heart like a glow stick.

He’ll hate himself for that forever. 

Henry reaches for his own hand behind Chad’s back, pulling the ring from his finger. He holds onto it for a moment, still holds onto Chad for a moment, before he pulls away from the hug. He rubs over his eyes in a swift motion, trying to get a clear sight, before he holds the ring towards Chad. Chad nods lightly and sniffles, before he takes it. 

“This is it then?”

Henry nods. 

“I’m sorry. ..that I didn’t have the balls to do this earlier.”

“It’s fine. I think I needed some time to fully accept it too.”

Henry hesitates, when they still stand there, in their house. 

“How do we move on from here?” 

Chad shrugs. 

“You can keep the house.”

“No, you take it, I’m moving out. This is my fault, I’m not going to kick you out too.”

“Henry it’s fine, it always suited you more.”

“I don’t know if I want to keep living here.”

“Me neither.”

It’s quiet for a while.

“I mean, I’m not forcing you to take it”, Chad finally says, “We can sell it if you want to.”

“Yes.”

It’s a pretty house, but Henry wouldn’t be able to live there when every single thing in there was handpicked by the two of them together. 

“But you can stay here for now”, Chad repeats. 

“No you stay here.”

“No, Henry, seriously.”

“And you?”

“I‘ll find something.”

“That doesn’t sound fair.”

“It’s fine by me.”

“I can find something else too.”

“I know, but I..need space, okay? From you and..” He gestures around the room. “And this.”

“Oh.. Okay.”

“I might ask Greg and Stu if I can live with them for a while.”

Two of their college friends. More of Chad’s friends actually. They used to play football together and Henry was never good at football. They welcomed him nonetheless but this is how it‘s all gonna end now. 

Henry nods. “Okay.”

Chad reaches for his face now, cupping his cheek. He lets his thumb wander over Henrys skin, gently rubbing the tears away. 

“I’m gonna be okay eventually. It’s okay Henry.”

Henry can’t say anything. It doesn’t feel okay.

“Okay?”, Chad asks, still looking for a confirmation that Henry’s at least going to try and forgive himself. 

“Okay”, Henry lies. Maybe he’ll try, but he doubts, he’ll make it. 

Chad smiles. 

“Okay”, he says, before leaning closer to Henry and pressing a quick kiss on Henrys forehead. 

“I’m going to pack some stuff”, he then says and Henry can only nod, before Chad disappears in the bedroom. 

—

Chad moves out and Henry doesn’t go to work for a week. He fakes being sick, while the real reason are his red eyes, always giving away that he‘s crying a lot. He doesn‘t feel like he has the strength to do something. He‘s a wreck and he‘d rather not have anyone notice that, especially not his students.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda love Chad here. Like yes I ship Tedgens and they’re endgame and everything but Chad is so nice here, I’m kinda mad at myself that I chose to hurt him like that


	9. Drunken Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: alcohol is being consumed in this one

Henry finds himself crying in his car, the evening of the first day he tried going back to normal. 

Because everybody kept asking him about Chad and him and no one seemed to be really surprised. 

The worst thing was that everyone kept asking him what _he_  did to Chad. Like yes, it was his mistake but it made him feel even worse that it seemed so obvious to them too. They didn’t even think about the possibility of Chad doing something wrong. 

And that‘s because Chad wouldn’t. Henry knows that and so does everybody who knows them. 

Chad is great and Henry fucked up and everybody had to keep reminding him throughout the day. 

He made it to the car, but now he’s sitting there, sobbing too hard to be able to actually start driving. It’s not like he has a clear sight. 

It goes like that for a few minutes and he really hopes no one sees him like that. 

He eventually tries to compose himself, before he gives up and starts rummaging through his bag to see if he still has cigarettes left. 

He does, so he grabs one, as well as his lighter and he gets out of the car. 

He leans against it and tries to light the cigarette. 

It turns out harder than he expected, because his hands are trembling like hell and his sight keeps getting too watery for him to properly see. He gets it done eventually. He takes a drag and closes his eyes as he tries to calm down. 

Maybe he should just get knockout drunk and forget about this specific day. 

After thinking about that idea for a while and settling on the fact that it‘s probably a bad idea, he decides to do it anyway. 

He leaves his car in the university parking lot and walks into the direction of the town centre. 

—

Henry only notices Ted after about an hour and a few drinks more than too many. 

Ted‘s sitting in the back of the bar, in a booth, obviously getting drunk too. And he doesn‘t seem to have noticed Henry yet. Henry thinks about leaving and not talking to him because if he’s being honest, it would be for the better. 

Ted looks tired. Dark circles hang under his eyes and his eyelids are half closed. He rubs through them, before he lets his hand run through his hair in an attempt to get it out of his face but it just keeps falling back into his eyes. 

After sitting there for a while and clenching his empty glass while staring at Ted, Henry gets up and walks towards him. He misses him and he‘s too drunk to care about wrong or right.

“Hey”, he says, as soon as he reaches him, sitting down in the booth, opposite of him. 

Ted looks up, surely surprised. 

“What are you doing?”

“I saw you and thought it would be rude not to say hi.”

“Oh.”

“I can leave if you-“ “No stay. ..please.” 

Henry slowly settles back on the bench, because he was already about to get up. 

Ted has a bottle of beer between both of his hands. A part of the label came loose at the edge. He’s nervously fiddling on it. The way he moves and talks, tells Henry that Ted had more than just that bottle of beer this evening. 

“Getting drunk too, huh?”, Ted mumbles now. 

“I guess.”

“Why?”

“Chad.”

“Shit.”

“We broke up.”

Ted looks up now. He seems actually surprised, on the contrary to everyone else Henry told today. “Oh shit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s obviously not”, Ted mumbles, gesturing at Henry. 

Henry’s not sure what that’s supposed to mean. Is it really that obvious? 

“No it’s not”, he just admits, “I feel like shit.”

Ted nods lightly, focusing on the label on his bottle again. 

“Sorry”, he mumbles again. 

“What about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you drinking?”

“I don’t really.. it’s fucking embarrassing.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“I know.”

They sit in silence for a while, just sipping on their drinks. 

“I slept with my coworker”, Ted mumbles. 

“That’s the reason?”

“No, I just.. just thought about it. I don’t know why I’m telling you.”

Henry feels unjustified jealousy build up and he lightly shakes his head in an attempt to get rid of it. It‘s ridiculous. 

“Do you like..?” “Her”, Ted finishes, then he shakes his head, “I mean she’s nice but not like that if that’s what you mean.”

“Do you feel bad about it?”

“No her husband is a dick. He deserves it.”

“She has a husband?”

“Hey, don’t judge.”

“Okay, sorry.”

“I bet he’s cheating on her too. And it’s not like I plan on doing it again anyway.”

“Okay.”

“Sorry.”

“What are you apologising for?”

“I don’t know? Being annoying?”

“You’re not annoying.”

“I think I should head home I‘ve had too much.” He holds up the bottle, slightly waving it at Henry, before emptying it. 

“Ted?”

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through recently.”

“It’s fine.”

“No.”

“Henry, sweetheart, I’ve been through a lot of shit. I can handle this.”

“Okay”, Henry mumbles, ignoring the nickname, even though it put butterflies in his stomach. Ted probably just called him that because he’s drunk. And it just made Henry feel like that because he’s drunk too. 

“Alright I really should..” Ted points at the door and gets up. “See you around.”

Henry nods and watches Ted walk over to the door, swaying lightly. 

Before he can stop himself he gets up as well and follows him, as quick as he possibly can when everything is spinning. 

“Ted wait!” He reaches him outside of the bar, on the sidewalk. 

Ted turns around to him. “Henry don’t be mad now but I think both of us are too drunk to deal with this.”

“I miss you.”

Ted hesitates. He opens his mouth and closes it again, before he settles on a nod. “Henry..”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I still miss you.”

“Are you here by car? You shouldn‘t drive”, Ted changes the topic. 

“I know, I‘m not gonna drive.”

“Go home Henry.”

“Ted?”

“We can’t be friends, it didn’t work”, Ted says, “and..-“ 

He stops, shrugging lightly. 

Henry wants to kiss him. Just kiss him. He doesn‘t even have a good reason apart from the fact that he‘s probably still in love with him. Or again. 

He shakes his head. He can’t think straight. 

“Go home and drink water and sleep it out alright?”, Ted says, before he turns away to go. 

Henry’s next reaction is solely based on his feelings and the terrific amount of booze in his system. It’s not like he’s thinking about it, when he runs after Ted and in front of him to stop him. 

“Wait, please.”

“Henry-“ Henry kisses him. It’s a desperate kiss, a drunken one and a short one too. Because as soon as Henry realises what he’s doing, he backs away, shocked by his own actions. 

“Oh god”, he mumbles. Well that felt better than anything he ever felt and he knows it shouldn‘t have. 

Ted just stares at him, his lips slightly parted and his eyebrows raised in confusion and maybe misery. 

“Shit sorry”, Henry says, before he pushes past Ted to go. 

This time, Ted is the one to follow. 

“Wait! You can’t kiss me and then walk away. What the fuck?”

“Leave me alone.”

“No?!”

“I’m sorry, this was wrong on so many levels.“

He walks even quicker. 

“Henry!” Ted gets a hold of his hand and pulls him back. Henry stumbles into his arms and both of them freeze before their lips can meet. Ted’s eyes capture Henrys and for a moment he can’t look away. 

Henry leans closer to rest his forehead against Teds. Tears form in his eyes as he realises how bad he wants this. But he can’t do this to Chad. 

“Sorry”, Ted mumbles now and lets go of Henry. 

“No I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you, not without asking anyway, I’m sorry.” Henry takes a step back to give Ted some space. 

“Why did you do it?”

“Just forget about it will you? I said I’m sorry.”

“Forget about it?”

“Yes forget about it and.. just go back to your married coworker.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you jealous of a one-night-stand?”

“What? No!”

“Because you’re the one who’s been fucking _engaged_  all that damn time.”

“I.. you were jealous?”

“Of course I was jealous! Apparently he was Mr. Perfect and you kept.. whining about it. And it would have been fine, I could have been fine with it because you were happy. But then you almost kissed me and.. and kept making advances and now you guys split up?!”

“I..-“

“Henry I don’t get you.”

“Don’t get me?”

“You just kissed me while drunk. How am I supposed to interpret that when you’re practically intoxicated? It’s not fair.”

“I shouldn’t have-“

“Why did you guys split up huh?”

Henry falters. “Ted..”

“Why?”

The guilt is back, sitting heavy in his chest. It’s joined by anger now (towards himself) and grief. Henry tries his best to keep in the tears but he can’t help but sob quietly. 

“Ted don’t.”

“Was it because he loves you more than you love him?”

Henry sniffles and rubs a tear off his cheek. He doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to say to that anymore. Ted’s right. 

Ted steps closer to him and Henry stumbles back, against the concrete wall of the building. 

“Or was it me?”, he asks. 

He doesn’t stop coming closer. He puts one hand up, next to Henrys head, leaning against the wall closer to him. 

“Do you have feelings for me?”

His eyes bore into Henrys and Henrys breath hitches. 

“Don’t do this”, Henry mutters. 

Ted scoffs and nods lightly, before he finally backs away. 

“Do you like that? Playing with peoples hearts like they’re the keys of your fucking piano?”

He seems angry. But Henry can see the tears in his eyes and he can hear his voice break. Ted is hurt and he tries to cover it up by acting like he‘s just pissed. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone”, Henry says. 

“Are you sure? You left him.”

“I love him! But he deserves better.”

“You love him? Then why’d you kiss me?”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t want to hurt you!”

“Well shit happens, you fucking did.”

“I said I’m sorry!”

“I’m not!”

“I just lost Chad! You can’t expect me to..” to what? 

“To?”, Ted asks, “Jesus Henry.”

“Why’d you have to come back _now_?”

“I wanted to save you from an actual divorce. That shit‘s expensive.”

“Ted.” Henrys voice breaks while saying that, but Ted doesn’t seem to care. Maybe he doesn’t notice. 

“You know, this might sound hard to believe, but I didn’t come back for you! I didn’t plan any of this!”

“I know, I just-“

“You’re not the _love of my life_. I didn’t dwell on the past and miss you every day all those years”, he’s getting louder now, angrier too, “I don’t need you to save me or anything, I can do that myself. I ran away and came here myself! I can handle it!”

Henry stops for a moment, to make sure he heard it right. 

“Wait ran away?”, he quietly asks. 

Ted hesitates, then shrugs. 

“From what?”, Henry keeps asking. 

“Who”, he mumbles, “it doesn’t matter.”

“That’s why you’re back?”

Ted doesn’t say anything after that. He just looks at Henry, his lip trembling. 

“Don’t”, he whispers.

“What?”, Henry asks. 

“Don’t fucking remind me.”

He stumbles back. He reaches for a lamppost and holds onto it, resting his forehead against the metal like it calms him down in some kind of way. 

“Shit”, he mumbles. 

“Ted?” Henry starts panicking now. 

“Please just...” Teds knuckles go white as clings to the lamppost. “Don’t say anything. Leave me alone, I can’t do this anymore.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ted doesn’t say anything and instead turns around and stumbles away, down the street. 

Henry eventually goes home too. It takes a while, because he can’t drive like this and neither can he walk in a straight line. 

As soon as he’s home, he breaks down on the couch, not bothering to change his clothes or drink water or at least go all the way to the bedroom. 


	10. Emma

He has the worst hungover the next morning. And it’s accompanied by a pain in his neck because for some reason, he _had_  to sleep on the couch. 

He thinks about calling in sick for work, but he’s already been “sick” the week before, so he can’t really do that. 

He eventually goes to work, with sunglasses, a headache and the grumpiest of moods. 

His coffee machine doesn’t work (it’s been like that for a while, but Chad and he never really bothered fixing it) and he’s too late to go to Starbucks or - god forbid - Beanies, so he has to spend the day without any caffeine. 

Fortunately, he only has two classes that day. 

As soon as the last one is over and everybody left the room, he rests his head on the cold wood of his desk and closes his eyes. 

Maybe he can just sleep there for a while. He’s too tired to drive home anyway. 

He sighs when there’s a knock on the door and pushes himself up again. 

“Yes?”

Emma slips into the room and he almost starts crying when he sees her. It’s been weeks. 

She’s holding a coffee and a little bag and he just knows there’s a cookie in it. And she’s smiling hesitantly, waving now. 

“Hey”, she says. 

God, he missed her. 

“Emma”, he just mumbles.

She comes over to him, holding up the items she brought. 

“I brought you coffee and-“ “A cookie”, they say in unison. 

He nods lightly, before he gets up and lets himself fall into a hug. She accepts it, hugging him back. 

“It’s a peace offering. I’m sorry Henry”, she mumbles, “I’m so sorry.”

“No”, he mutters. 

“Yes I’m sorry. I should have believed you. I was just so.. fucking worried. But it was wrong and I’m sorry.”

Henry shakes his head. 

“No I’m sorry.”

“No you didn’t do anything.”

“I missed you so much.”

“God I missed you too.”

She entangles herself from the hug now and holds the coffee and the bag towards him. 

“I met Chad yesterday. Are you okay?”

He takes the coffee and chugs some of it. 

“No”, he then says, kind of bluntly. 

“So you guys..?”

“Yes.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No this is on me.”

“What happened?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“He said you guys drifted away from each other and it was the best for both of you. I want to hear your side.”

“Yes, he put it nicely. I fucked up.”

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t cheat on him!”

“Okay.”

“You believe me?” He’s almost surprised. 

“Yes and I should have the first time you told me.”

Henry nods lightly, chugging more coffee now. 

“Are you getting enough sleep? Henry are you hungover?”, she asks when she sees him clinging to the coffee cup. 

“Hungover. But I can’t sleep either.”

“Are you eating enough?”

“Of course.”

“Are you hungry now? Do you want to go for dinner?”

“Okay.”

She walks past him and starts collecting his stuff, squeezing it into his bag. 

“Emma I can do that.”

“No.”

— 

They are sitting in a restaurant now and Emma keeps staring at him, observing him maybe, to make sure he’s alright. 

“Are you gonna be okay?”

“Eventually.”

“Are you gonna forgive yourself?”

“Em..” She’s just reminding him of what Chad said. 

Both of them know him too well. 

“I just.. I didn’t love him enough. I broke his heart! That was so rude.”

“Doesn’t sound like your fault to me.”

“Well I kept meeting Ted. We didn’t kiss or anything but talking to him kinda made me realise that my whole life feels like a goddamn lie.”

“Did he talk you out of the engagement?”

She sounds concerned. She never really liked Ted that much, let’s be honest here. She almost drove after him just to punch him, when she found out he broke up with Henry. Henry has to admit, he cried a lot after Ted broke up. He would have wanted to punch him too, if he was Emma. 

“No Ted didn’t do anything wrong”, Henry says, “He’s been amazing and I’ve been.. a horrible person.”

“Come on.”

“You know, I met him yesterday.”

“You did?”

“Yes I met him and we were both drunk and we had a fight and he said a lot of stuff. Mean stuff but the worst thing is that most of it was true. I’m a selfish bastard.”

“He said that?”

“Not in those exact words, no.”

“Fuck Ted, he’s always been kinda mean. I bet most of the stuff he said was just him being an asshole.”

Henry shakes his head. She doesn’t get it. He doesn’t hate Ted or god forbid Chad, he only hates himself. 

“He’s always been realistic and genuine”, Henry mumbles. 

“Well he.. you said he was drunk, right? Classic Ted. He get’s angry and mean when he’s drunk. I bet he didn’t mean any of it.”

Henry doesn’t even know how to tell her. The words are stuck in his throat, something in the stomach contracts and his hands feel cramped. He slowly realises he’s just clinging to his fork, like his life depends on it. 

Emma notices. 

“Hey! Hey, it’s okay.” She tries to comfort him. He closes his eyes and takes a breath because that works sometimes. 

He can feel her reach for his hand. She takes the fork away and puts it down on his plate, before she grabs his hand. 

Henry doesn’t want to tell her he drunkenly kissed Ted like an absolute idiot. It’s embarrassing. 

So he just nods and gifts her a little smile. 

— 

When they hug each other goodbye, Emma hesitates. 

“Hey by the way are you smoking again?”

“I think you know the answer.”

“Oh Henry.”

“Please don’t worry. I’m going to be fine.”

“Okay.” 

They separate. 

“Bye Emma”, he says. 

“Hey! Come to Beanies tomorrow. I’ll make you a coffee.”

He smiles. 

“Okay I will.”

She grins. 

“Okay good. I missed you.”

“See you tomorrow.”

She nods. 

“I will.”

— 

About a week later, Ted knocks on Henrys door. 

Henry doesn’t know what to say and therefore just stares at him, confused. He has to admit, he kind of expected Ted to just hate him forever after that kiss, and for the two of them to never see each other again. But here they are now, at his doorstep. 

“Hey”, Ted says after a while. Apparently both of them needed some time to adjust to seeing each other again. 

“Hi?”, Henry breathes. 

“I wanted to apologise. My therapist said I’ll probably feel better if I do and I felt like shit recently, so..”

“Your therapist?”

“Yeah..”, he nervously starts bobbing on his feet. “Can I come in or..?”

“Yes! Of course. I’m sorry.”

Henry steps aside and holds the door open for Ted to come in. 


	11. I Don’t Even Know Anymore; Does Anybody Even Read Chapter Titles?

“Do you want a coffee or- never mind the machine doesn’t work. I have water or I can make tea I guess. Actually no, just water.. and wine.”

Henry is nervous, for some reason. Too nervous to actually work. 

Ted is wearing a button up and dress pants again. He must have come here right from work. Henry hates to admit that but he’s kind of really into that look (but let’s be honest here, Ted could wear an actual garbage bag and Henry would still like it).

“It’s fine. I don’t need anything.”

Ted seems nervous too and for some reason that calms Henry down a little. 

“Okay”, Henry says. 

“I’m sorry!”, Ted now blurts out. 

“What?”

“I said terrible stuff. I was drunk and hurt and I wanted to make you feel bad and it was just fucking rude. I didn’t mean it, it wasn’t true Henry. None of it.”

“No it was true. You had every right to be mad, I just kissed you. I shouldn’t have. _I’m_ the one who has to apologise. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah you shouldn’t have kissed me, but that didn’t give me the right to say all of that stuff.”

“Well most of it was true.”

“No”, he mutters, shaking his head. 

“Yes it was. I have feelings for you Ted.”

Ted’s whole expression falters. 

Henry didn’t even realise what he admitted before he said it. But it was obvious anyway, wasn’t it? Well now it’s out there. 

Henry just keeps talking, maybe to distract from his previous words or maybe to explain them further. At this point he’s not even sure what he’s doing himself. 

“I left Chad because I knew it wasn’t fair how I treated him. I kept thinking about you every time I kissed him and.. and then I pushed you away and treated you just as bad because I panicked.”

“Henry-“

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t want to see it, but things with Chad felt unreal before you came back. I always felt like he was too good for me anyway, I always felt like I was living someone else’s life. I was trying to save something that could not be saved. It’s not your fault that you made me wake up.”

Ted nods lightly and Henry keeps going. 

“And of course I know that you didn’t come back for _me_. That’s ridiculous. You can do what you want, you can live where you want. It’s not your fault my life is a mess, it’s mine.”

“You know, it was still rude of me to say that.”

“Well let’s say you could have put it a little nicer. But it’s fine Ted, I get it.”

Ted smiles lightly and Henry almost reflex-like hugs him because goddamn it. But only almost. He has enough self-control not to.

“I’m sorry I just left you standing there and walked away”, Ted says now.

“No I mean I obviously said something that upset you.”

“Well how were you supposed to know? It’s not like I told you about it. It’s not like I told anyone about it except my parents and my therapist.”

“Do you want to tell me?”

“At this point I feel like I should.”

“You don’t have to if you-“ “-don’t want to”, Ted finishes, “Yes I know, Jesus Henry.”

“Okay, well I’m listening then.”

Ted starts to awkwardly play with his tie. 

“I was in a ..bad relationship.”

“Oh.” Henry hesitates, unsure of what exactly Ted means. 

“You know. _Bad_. He..” Ted struggles to get the words out and just looks up at Henry, helplessly. 

“Bad like.. Did he cheat?”

He scoffs. “Probably, I don’t know.”

“What else-“ Henry stops talking when he slowly gets it. A little “Oh”, escapes his lips. “You meant toxic bad. Abus-“ “Yes”, Ted quickly cuts him off. 

“Shit.” Henry just whispers it, apparently not able to properly react. 

Ted chuckles. “Shit.. Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugs. “I ran away.”

“You did.”

“I just thought.. I thought you should know.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Yeah, I mean it’s kinda embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing? No.”

“Yes it is. This whole situation.” He throws his arms up into the air, trying to find the right words. “I‘m 34 and I‘m living with my parents again, with a shitty job and a constant fear of my ex finding out where I am. I mean, I hit rock bottom.”

“But that’s not embarrassing. I mean look at how far you’ve come. You made it out of there and you came here and you found a job even if it’s shitty. That’s not embarrassing, that’s impressive.”

Ted nods lightly and if Henry saw that right, his cheeks go into a light blush. 

“Well if you put it that way”, he mumbles. ”You know you’re right. I’m doing better. I’ve got this and everything. My mom made me go to therapy and I feel like it helps so..”

“That’s good.”

He smiles. It seems genuine and it somehow warms Henrys heart. “Yes.”

“Do you want a hug?”, Henry asks. 

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“No. But I feel like at this point we fucked up so much that we can’t make it worse.”

Ted opens his arms for Henry. “Come in here.”

Henry smiles and falls into his embrace, hugging him back now. Ted smells nice and at this exact moment Henry doesn’t even care that this could be wrong. 

“I missed you too”, Ted mumbles. 

“Huh?”

“You said you missed me, when you were drunk.”

“Oh yes right.”

“Did you actually or was that just drunk-you?”

“I did miss you. I still do.”

“I’m here.”

“No.. you know what I mean. Us.”

He nods. “Yeah.”

Henry leans his head against Teds and they just stand like that for a while. Until Ted kind of starts swaying. Henry smiles and plays along and for some reason they end up slow dancing to the silence. 

“Henry?”

“Yes?”

“You’re amazing.”

“No you are.”

“What are you? A teenager? Accept it, Jesus Christ.”

Henry chuckles. 

“You know how you said everything drunk-me said to you was true?”, Ted goes on.

“Yes it was.”

“One thing wasn’t.”

“Which one?”

“I’m pretty sure you are the love of my life. I missed you every day all those years.”

Henry nods lightly. He sniffles and frowns while he tries to keep the tears in. 

“It’s just.. both of us just had a relationship that ended badly and I’m not sure if we’re ready for another one. I’m not sure if I am.”

“Yeah me neither”, Henry admits. He still feels horribly guilty. It’s been about two weeks since he and Chad broke up.

“But I don’t want to lose you, so..”

“So?”

“Let’s stay in contact?”

Henry nods. 

“You know, maybe one day both of us will be ready for an actual relationship and maybe it’ll work again. But right now..”

“Yes let’s take it slow.”

“Friends? Or something? I don’t know, acquaintances.”

“Friends.”

“Okay. Do you wanna go for dinner on friday?“

Henry smiles. “Okay. Yes.”


	12. Dinner On Friday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: implied sexual content towards the end

Why did he say yes to dinner? This is going to be a mess. If Ted shows up that means. 

Henry is standing in front of the restaurant, too early because he’s been nervous the whole day. They’re friends, he shouldn’t be nervous. It’s just that they tried being friends before and it didn’t work and Henry keeps feeling all guilty because he _just_  broke up with Chad even though this technically doesn’t even mean anything, but for some reason it means the world to him. 

“Hey”, Ted says and Henry flinches. “Sorry did you have to wait for long?” He seems out of breath. 

Henry shakes his head. 

“No, you’re early actually.“ 

“You’re earlier.”

“Well sorry.”

Ted chuckles. 

“Come on.”

He opens the door door and lets Henry step inside first.

And Henry strongly tries to ignore how much this feels like a date. Ted’s probably just being nice. 

—

This wasn’t a mess after all. Henry shouldn’t have been so nervous. 

It was just like the old times. 

They talked a lot and they laughed and it didn‘t feel weird. 

Ted‘s walking Henry home now, because neither of them wanted to say goodbye yet and this is some kind of excuse to spend a little more time together. 

Ted is rambling about his workplace and his colleagues. Mostly Charlotte. 

“And like.. she doesn’t leave him? She caught him in bed with a twenty-something year old woman and all he had to say was he loves her and she fucking believes it. That’s so.. _ugh!_ And every time I try to tell her, she thinks I’m jealous.”

“Well are you?”

“What?”

“Jealous?”

“God no. But she’s a good person and I just.. I can’t watch this. It drives me crazy.”

Ted’s not jealous, but maybe Henry is a little. It’s stupid, really, but what is he supposed to do? Tell Ted he’d sell his soul for him? No. 

“Ted I hate to say this but you sound at least a little jealous.”

“I’m worried Henry. She’s something like a friend by- Wait.”

“What?”

“Are you jealous?”

“No.”

Henry picks up his pace in an attempt to walk slightly in front of Ted, so he won’t be able to see his face, glowing red like that reindeer’s nose. 

“Hey! Hey, sorry, don’t run away now.”

Ted jogs behind him. 

They’re almost there, they almost made it to Henrys house. 

Henry slows down, in order to find his keys in his jacket. 

“Henry?”

“Huh?”

“I’m not into Charlotte.”

“Okay.”

They come to a stop now, by the fence around Henrys house. 

“Look at me.”

Henry looks up. 

Oh, fuck the keys. He just gives up trying to find them and stares back at Ted. 

“I don’t like her like that and I want you to know.”

“Okay”, he says again, meaning it this time. 

“I should leave then, I guess.”

Henry catches himself not wanting this to end yet. 

He could ask Ted to come inside. To talk and.. god knows what else. Henry wouldn‘t mind going further right now. 

Ted looks like a dream, to good to be true but at the same time like everything Henry ever wanted. With his stupid soft smile and his hair and his moustache and those brown eyes, staring back at him. 

Henry reaches for the fence behind himself, maybe to get some kind of steadiness, before he just let’s himself slowly sink against it. 

“Want me to walk you home?”, he whispers. 

Ted chuckles. 

“Maybe. Only if you let me walk _you_ home afterwards.” 

Henry smiles, biting his lip now. 

“Okay”, he promises. 

Neither of them moves though. Ted just keeps staring at Henry and Henry keeps staring back. And Henry wishes he knew what Ted is thinking, because maybe there’s a chance he’s thinking the same thing. 

Henry actually knows Ted well enough to be pretty sure - pretty sure means a reliability of about 80% - that he does think the same thing. 

And for some reason, he suddenly feels brave enough to be the first one to make a move. 

So he reaches for Teds hand and when he doesn’t flinch or pull away, he carefully pulls him a little closer. Ted does step closer, still holding Henry’s gaze. 

Henry lets go of Teds hand and reaches for his jacket instead, before he stops for a moment, mostly because his braveness kind of left him and he feels like his heart is going to explode. That would be a mess. 

He can feel Teds hand sneak up to his waist and relaxes. This is fine, Ted seems okay with it. 

Henry tugs on Teds jacket a little, still keeping it up to him whether or not he‘ll actually come closer. But he does. He comes close enough for their chests to touch. Henry’s breath hitches and he tries to act natural but there’s Teds breath, hitting his lips and all of this feels way too good. 

Henry‘s not even exactly sure what he‘s doing. 

Ted is homoerotically pushing him against that fence now and Henry is the one who initiated it in the first place, but to be perfectly honest, he wasn‘t even sure he‘d get this far and now his brain is not working anymore. 

His instincts will have to do. 

Ted pushes his chin forward, his eyes hesitantly asking for permission. 

Henry answers by kissing him.

When their lips touch, it feels like heaven. Henrys eyes fall shut and his fingers grasp into Teds jacket. 

Ted kisses him again, sighing heavy. One of his hands wanders up into Henrys neck, disappearing in his hair. 

And it’s not like it started completely innocent but it certainly grew a lot more desperate and desirous now. 

“Is this alright?”, Henry breathes against Teds lips, between two or more kisses. 

“Yah? Yes?..”, Teds voice sounds raspy and hoarse. 

“Inside?”, Henry asks, as soon as he slowly realises how much PDA they are pushing onto the people walking by. He was so into it, that he almost forgot they are still outside. 

“Please”, Ted mutters. 

Henry pulls away from the kiss and takes Teds hand. He pulls him through the gate and to the front door of the house. They are nearly running. 

It’s a struggle to get those keys out of his pocket, because Ted’s at him again as soon as they stopped, hugging him from behind and kissing his neck. 

Henry can’t think like this. 

It’s not like his hands are working, shaking like hell out of impatience. 

He fumbles the door open eventually and they nearly fall inside, pushing it shut with a slam. 

They’re back at each other immediately, pulling on each other’s clothes and slipping out of their shoes. 

They do make it to the bedroom. A lot of stumbling around is involved and Henry hits his hip on the dresser in the corridor, but they make it, falling onto the bed,  sharing desperate open-mouthed kisses and gentle touches, both of them too impatient to go slow or to tease. 

Henry somehow still remembers Ted like this. He remembers how smooth his skin used to be, notices how some scars made it a little rougher now. But it’s still the same. He remembers the feeling of Teds lips on his skin or Teds fingers grabbing his hips.

And he has to admit, maybe this is not the best way to handle the oversupply of romantic feelings he has for Ted, but it‘s the only way he sees for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment! 
> 
>  
> 
> srsly please do
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> i‘m desperate


	13. Aftermath

They fall side by side on the mattress, nearly simultaneously. Henry can hear Ted breathing heavily, still trying to catch his breath and he’s doing the same thing. He still feels kind of hazy, not completely back in reality yet. 

Ted is the first one to speak. It’s nothing more than a breathy “Shit” but still. 

Henry can’t help but smile, because out of all the things he expected Ted to say, this wasn’t one of them. 

The blanket rustles when Ted rolls over to his side, turning completely to Henry now. Henry can see Ted looking at him, in his peripheral vision and he can feel himself blush. 

“Henry?”

He turns his head to Ted. “Yeah?”

Ted reaches out to him and lets his hand ghost over his chest for a moment, before he just lets it rest there. 

“Do you regret it?” He almost sounds scared, fearing the worst. 

Henry hesitates. Does he? He feels like he should, but he’s in heaven right now. There’s not one negative feeling able to push through, just euphoria forming a cloud around him and lulling him in. 

“Not yet”, he therefore says. 

Ted smiles, seemingly relieved. 

“‘Kay”, he mutters, “Me neither.”

Henry reaches out for him and pulls him closer. Ted scoots over and his hand slides off Henrys chest and up to his neck, as he cuddles against him. 

Henry pulls the blanket a little higher over the two of them before completely wrapping his arms around Ted.

He feels Teds heart pound against his ribs when they lay like that and Teds breath tickling his collarbones. He turns his head to Ted to nuzzle his nose into his hair and closes his eyes. 

“I hate to say this but we have no self-control ..at all”, Ted whispers, sounding weary and a little hoarse. 

Henry smiles. 

“We could push it on the wine.”

“Yes let’s do that.”

Ted’s breathing calmed down by now, as well as his heartbeat and Henry has the feeling he‘s slowly dozing off. 

They’re quiet for a while until Ted seems to flinch out of falling asleep. 

“Should I go?”, Ted whispers, “Do you want me to-“ “God no”, Henry interrupts quickly. He’s not sure what made Ted think that he’s going to send him home when it’s nearly in the middle of the night, but somehow he did think that. 

“Stay?”, Henry quietly adds. 

It’s more of a plea than a question. He almost adds a ‘please’ as well, but stops himself, since he doesn’t want to sound too desperate. 

“Okay”, Ted says, relaxing again. 

Henry brings his hand up to Teds head and pushes some of his hair out of his face. 

Ted opens his eyes, when Henry cups his cheek and lets his thumb wander over his moustache. He smiles. 

“Like it?”

“What?”, Henry asks. 

“The moustache.”

“I actually do.”

“Really?”

“Yes, it suits you.”

Ted smirks. “Did you hit your head?”

“I really did.”

“What? When?”

“Earlier, on the headboard. ..you know when you..”

“Oh.” Ted chuckles wearily. “Sorry.” His hand wanders up to Henrys head and he gently starts caressing the back of his skull with his thumb.

“It’s fine”, Henry says, “Why are you so surprised I like it?”

“Everyone thinks it’s hideous.”

“Then why’d you grow it?”

“To piss my ex off.”

“What? How?”

“He hates facial hair. He always gave me hell if I grew it out a little. So as soon as I was outta there I grew the most hideous thing I could think of, knowing there’s nothing he can do about it, because fuck him I’m gone.”

Henry smiles. “Fuck him”, he quietly repeats. 

“And I kinda like it too, by now”, Ted admits. 

Henry leans down to him and places a kiss on his nose. 

Ted scrunches it up, smiling now.

“Cute”, Henry comments. 

“Ssh don’t make me blush, Jesus”, Ted mumbles, before he hides his face in Henrys neck. 

Henry smiles. “Sorry.”

They lay like that for a while until Henry whispers a quiet: “Good night.”

“Good night, see you tomorrow.”

“See you. Don‘t leave before I wake up.“

“Who do you think I am? A cheap one night stand? Nuh-uh.”

Henry smiles. 

“No you’re not”, he admits, closing his eyes now. 

Ted dozes off first, clinging to Henry like his life depends on it. And Henry lays awake for a while, trying not to think about whether or not they made a mistake. 

— 

Henry wakes up in the middle of the night, when Ted flinches out of some kind of dream or - far more likely - nightmare. 

Ted sat up and slipped out of Henry’s arms and Henry can feel Teds fingers hit his chest when he starts fumbling around, looking for Henry. Then he just kind of lets his hand lay there, on Henrys ribs. 

Henry can hear him breath a little too heavy and he reaches out for his hand, taking it off his chest and into his. 

Ted turned around, when Henry grabbed his hand and stares at him now, probably trying to make out whether or not it woke him up. 

“Are you okay?”, Henry asks. 

Ted nods. “Yeah. Yes, sorry for waking you up.”

“Don‘t be. It‘s fine.”

“Okay.”

“Come here?”

Ted let’s himself sink onto the mattress and into Henrys arms again. 

“Thanks”, he whispers. 

“It’s fine”, Henry mumbles again, already falling back to sleep now. 

— 

The next time Henry wakes up, he’s woken up by the doorbell. 

He curses and slips out of Teds arms. He squeezes his eyes as he looks around the (far too bright) room for something to wear until he slips into a t-shirt and the pants from the day before. 

He hurries out of the bedroom and quickly gathers the clothes they left on the way there the night before, throwing them back in there, before closing the door as quiet as possible. 

Then he goes to the front door and opens it, trying desperately not to sound too much out of breath. 

“Hey Henry!”

It’s his mom. 

“Hi”, he says and lets her hug him, slowly hugging her back. 

“I’ve just been near your house and thought I‘d bring you this“, she starts digging in her purse. “It’s a wedding magazine. I found it a few days ago and thought you might like it. And I haven’t seen you in a while, I’ve been wanting to meet up anyway, so we can plan a few things..” 

Henry stops listening at this point, because he desperately tries to find the best way to tell her that he is indeed not getting married anytime soon. 

He should have told her earlier but he didn’t know how so he avoided the call of shame as long as possible. And here he is now. 

“Mom”, he mumbles. She doesn’t stop talking. 

“Mom! Mom, stop!”

She hesitates, frowning now. “What?”

“I’m not getting married”, he says, quite bluntly. 

“What?” She chuckles nervously. “Are you two not ready? Do you want to wait for a while and just stay engaged or-“

“We broke up.”

She gasps, her hand shoots up covering her mouth in shock. 

“We broke up, mom. And I should have told you but I didn’t know how since you liked him so much and I knew you’d be disappointed.”

“When?” Henry is pretty sure he can see tears in her eyes. She just lost the perfect son-in-law.

“About three weeks ago.”

“Three weeks?”, she whispers. 

“Sorry.”

“How are you? Are you okay? Please tell me you’re not smoking again, it kind of smells like cigarettes here.”

Henry simply shrugs. 

“Oh honey”, she whispers, before she comes to him and hugs him, her head falling against his chest. 

“What happened? He was so great.”

Henry closes his eyes for a moment, taking a breath. 

“It didn’t work anymore.”

“It did not?”

“No.”

“That’s so heartbreaking. God, he was amazing.”

“Mom, I’m kind of busy”, Henry mumbles, because he’s not able to take another wave of guilt. And he’s not particularly keen on her finding out that there is a naked man sleeping in his bed right now. Another man than Chad. 

“Are you?”

“Yes.”

“Oh honey, I understand. You want to be alone. If you need someone to talk to, just call me, will you?”

“Sure.”

She presses a kiss on his cheek and turns away. 

“Maybe you’ll find back together someday.”

“Maybe”, he mumbles, already closing the door. 

“Love you!”, she says. 

“Love you too.”

As soon as she’s gone and he fully closed the door, he leans against it, taking a deep breath while trying not to cry. 

Then he hurries into the kitchen, hunting down the pack of cigarettes he left there a few days ago. 

He opens the window and lights one. He leans against the frame and takes a drag. 

He‘s a wreck. Guilt comes in and god is it harsh. 

He quietly curses himself, for actually thinking things would be fine. 

What the hell is he doing here? What was he thinking? 

A tear sneaks out of his eye and dances provocatively over his cheek. 

“Henry?”

He flinches and quickly kills the tear by wiping it off. 

He keeps staring out of the window, so Ted doesn’t see he’s crying. 

“Hey”, Ted whispers, hugging him from behind, “come back to bed alright?”

“Hey”, Henry replies quietly, his voice choosing to break for some reason. Of course Ted notices that. 

“You ok?”, Ted mumbles, obviously still sleepy. 

Henry can’t help but adore sleepy-Ted. It’s always been the most adorable thing in the world. And he’s only wearing pants, that’s kind of making Henry all infatuated as well. Ted with his soft belly and his gentle arms, holding Henry like that’s what he’s always been meant to do. 

“This was a bad idea right?”, Henry manages, trying not to give in to Teds charms. And good god his smell and absolutely everything. There’s that indescribable aura surrounding him, lulling Henry in. 

“What do you mean? Smoking? Because yeah, that shit’s gonna kill you dead.” 

“No. .. I know. I meant..this.”

Ted stays silent for a while, then he lets go of Henry and reaches for his shoulder, carefully pulling him around, so he has to look at him. 

He reaches for the cigarette between Henrys fingers and takes it from him, putting it out in the ashtray on the windowsill. 

“Don‘t do this now”, he simply says. 

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t overthink everything, you always do that.”

“I don’t always do that.”

“Yes you do. Everything’s fine and suddenly something happens and you start to overthink everything and most of the times it ends with you pushing everybody away.”

Henry hesitates. He does do that. 

“I guess I’m doing that sometimes. ..But seriously nothing’s _fine_ Ted.”

“You’re panicking.”

“What were we thinking?”

“I didn’t think that much to be honest. All I know is I-“ He stops himself, hesitating now. 

“What do you know?”

“What we did last night wasn’t entirely platonic.”

“What do you mean entirely? That wasn’t platonic by any means and that’s the problem Ted!”

“Well I love you!”

Henry stops. “What?”, he fumbles out, “No you don’t.”

“Yes I do. I have been since you told Annie Reid to fuck off after she laughed at me because I asked her out in ninth grade.”

“We only started dating a year after that”, Henry mumbles. 

Ted shrugs. “Yes.”

“But I just.. just broke up with Chad and now I slept with you and I.. I feel like I’m cheating on him.”

“You’re not cheating on him, that’s ridiculous. ..I mean, I kinda know what you mean but still.”

“I just feel like I’m moving on too fast.”

Ted nods lightly. “I get it.”

“You do?”

He nods again. 

“Of course. You guys broke up like..what? Three weeks ago?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve been together for a year. I’m not expecting you to just forget about it, especially not after three weeks.”

“Okay.”

“I just.. want you to know that I love you and if you’d want to be with me again, I’m here.”

“But you.. You said yourself that you’re not ready for a relationship.”

“I know! I know but yesterday felt good and right and it made me realise that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I’d be a fool to just let you slip away again without telling you. God, I’d even fucking marry you if you asked me to. I want you back Henry.”

He looks up, checking to see if Henry follows. Henry nods lightly. 

“I want to be with you and I get it if you don’t feel the same or.. not yet. But if you don’t feel the same _at all_ , please tell me now.”

“Okay”, Henry mumbles. 

“So..?”

“I have to choose right now?”

Ted shakes his head. 

“Only if you want me to fuck off and never bother you again. It would be nice if you told me that as soon as possible, so I don’t get too hopeful.”

“I don’t want that.”

“Good, okay.”

“Can we just.. not label it yet?”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Ted nods. 

“Yes.”

Henry steps closer to him and sinks into a hug. 

“Sorry I panicked.”

“It’s fine.”

“My mom just visited.”

“What?”

“When you were still sleeping. I had to tell her I’m not getting married and she looked so disappointed, I just panicked.”

“Hey, it’s fine.”

Ted reaches for Henrys face and holds it in between both of this hands, resting his forehead against Henrys. 

“It’s fine.”

“Sorry”, Henry mumbles again. 

Ted places a kiss on his lips, then another one on his cheek, before he just settles on holding him. 

“You had a nightmare last night”, Henry mumbles, only now remembering it again, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, that was nothing.”

“Was it?”

“Just flashbacks, but it’s not reality anymore, so it’s nothing.”

“Okay.” Henry hesitates and Ted notices.

“I don‘t really.. want to talk about it”, he admits, his hand rubbing gently over Henrys back. 

“Okay.”


	14. More Nightmares And An Unwanted “I Love You”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of domestic abuse again

When Henry steps into Beanies on the following Monday, Paul and Ted are there. 

Henry stops for a moment, staring at the back of Teds head until Emma waves and shouts: “Hey Henry!”

Ted and Paul turn around and Ted smiles. “Hey”, he says, softly. 

“Hey”, Henry utters back, completely ignoring Emma on accident. 

Henry comes towards him, coming to a stop in front of him. 

“Hi”, Ted breathes again, making Henry smile now and his heartbeat go faster. 

They had spent the rest of that last saturday together, mostly watching TV and eating takeout and maybe they made out a little as well (and ended up in the bedroom once again, let’s be honest here). It was amazing, perfect even, at least in Henrys definition of perfect. And eventually Ted had to go home and Henry couldn’t get his mind off him and now they met again and it’s only been a day since they saw each other but for some reason, Henry is so overwhelmed, he doesn’t even know what to say. 

“What’s happening here?”, Emma asks now, making Henry and Ted rip their gazes from each other. She looks almost concerned. 

“Wait, are you guys back together?”

“No?”, Ted says and at the same time Henry goes: “What? No.”

They laugh awkwardly and Emma frowns. Paul seems confused too, but to be fair, he always seems a little confused. 

“I should go”, Ted says, reaching for Paul’s arm now, “ _we_ should..go.”

Paul nods.

“See you Henry”, Ted says, smiling his perfect smile. 

“See you”, Henry manages and then Ted and Paul leave and Henry is left with Emma who is ignoring customers, just so she can stare at him, looking disturbed. 

“You have customers”, Henry says. 

“Did you two bang?” 

“I want a coffee.”

“And I want to know what the fuck is going on, I thought you two had a fight.”

“We did. And then we apologised and went for dinner.”

She raises an eyebrow. 

“And went for your bedroom?”

He shrugs. 

“Shit Henry”, she says, while she starts preparing his coffee. 

“It’s not like..”, he hesitates. 

“Not like it meant something? Fuck no, that guy is in love with you.”

“No, I know.“

“You know?”

“Of course I know that.”

“And do you.. like him too or.. I don’t know, were you horny?”

“Good God Emma.”

“What? I can’t read you as good as I used to anymore.”

“We said we wouldn’t label it yet. See what happens.”

“That will work out just fine.”

“What am I supposed to do? I was engaged until three weeks ago.”

“Yes and now you aren’t. Come on, you love him too.”

“I.. admit that I have feelings for him but, Emma, ‘love’ is a strong word to use right after having broken up with someone else.”

“I guess you’re right.” 

She puts the coffee in front of him and he pushes the money towards her. She goes to get a cookie. 

“I’m just not ready to actually be with someone again”, he admits. 

“I know, it’s been tough, but-“ “Excuse me?” 

Both of them look up to see an elderly man, a customer, stare at them. “I’m in a hurry”, he says, “Can you two discuss that later?”

“Excuse me, sir. My best friend is in a serious crisis”, Emma hits back. 

The man turns to Henry now. “Tell him you love him and settle down with him, problem solved.” He turns back to Emma. “Can I please get a green tea now?”

“No need to be rude”, she mumbles. 

“It’s fine, I should leave”, Henry gives in, grabbing his stuff. 

“Bye Henry. But seriously don’t mess this one up.”

“We’ll see.”

“I swear to god, you incapable fuck.”

“Can’t hear you.”

He smiles, pushing through the door now.

— 

Two weeks pass and Ted stays over at Henry’s place often enough for Henry to figure out that the nightmare was not a one-time thing. 

Ted tries to hide it and not wake him up, but Henry is a light sleeper and it’s kind of hard to just ignore it when someone else is nearly hyperventilating. 

Tonight it’s particularly bad. 

Ted chokes on nothing, his fingers are digging into Henrys arm, but he quickly let’s go when he realises what he’s doing. 

Henry sits up and Ted flinches. 

“Hey?”, Henry whispers. 

“Sorry.”

“I told you not to apologise.”

“Sorry.”

Henry reaches for Ted now and pulls him into a hug. His hands are shaking, when he rests them against Henrys shoulder, Henry’s chest, leaning into him now. 

Henry lets himself sink back into the pillow, pulling Ted along. 

Normally they’d just go back to sleep now. But it’s been happening a lot recently so Henry decides to ask: “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Huh?”

“Maybe that helps.”

“I have a therapist for that Henry.”

“I know but still.”

Ted presses a soft kiss against Henrys collarbone. “I guess”, he mumbles. 

“Let it out then.”

Ted takes a breath. 

“You know what?”, he asks slowly. 

“What?”

“I’m ..fucking terrified of living alone.”

“Why?” Henry starts playing with Teds hair, presumably to calm him down a little. He’s still shaking. 

“Because maybe he’ll find out where I am and then he breaks in and I’m all alone and too fucking stupid to defend myself so he might as well just kill me. And I don’t want to die.”

Henry stopped stroking Teds hair somewhere in the middle of that explanation and just stares at the ceiling now. 

“And who’s going to find me then? My mom? How long will I rot there, until someone finds me? And what if he goes after my parents too?”

“This is what your dreams are about?”

“Basically yeah.”

“Does he know where your parents live?” 

“No. Thank god. I think he doesn’t even know their names. I mean, he probably can’t find me but still.”

“You know you don’t _have_  to live alone.” 

“I know.”

Henry hesitates, unsure of what else to say. 

“It‘s a stupid fear“, Ted mumbles. 

“God no.” 

“No, not stupid, it’s.. it’s just ..unnecessary?”

Henry looks down at Ted, whose head is resting on his shoulder. 

“You’re allowed to be scared.”

“I know. And I am. But it pisses me off that he still has power over me. I mean shit, I ran away! He should be gone.”

Henry starts caressing Teds head again. “Yes”, he mumbles, “but you can’t expect to just heal over night. It takes time.” 

Ted looks up, smiling now. “Ever thought about becoming a therapist?”

Henry chuckles and shakes his head. He notices Ted trying to change the topic and decides to go with it. It’s Teds decision after all. 

“Are you saying I picked the wrong career?”

Ted scoffs. “Obviously. You should be on Broadway.”

Now it’s Henrys turn to scoff. 

“By the way, you promised to let me read Working Boys”, Ted adds. 

“It’s in the middle of the night.”

“Tomorrow? ..I mean later today.”

“Maybe.” 

Henry would actually love for someone to read it, but only if that someone likes it. He’s terrified of Ted not liking it, especially since he’s expecting so much. Ted is his biggest (and only) fan, he doesn’t want to disappoint him. 

“Night, love you”, Ted whispers. 

Henry freezes for a moment. He knows Ted meant it. Means it. This is not some half asleep-confession. He said it before, just to clarify his stance, it’s nothing new. 

What’s new is the way he said it. Those weren’t just facts. It sounded a hint too casual and affectionate. Like they’re married. 

Henry‘s panicking again, isn‘t he? 

“Sorry“, Ted mumbles wearily. 

“No“, Henry manages. 

“Good Night.”

“Night.“

He keeps laying like that for a while, loosely holding Ted and staring at his dark-brown hair. 

“Sorry, it was platonic, ‘kay?”, Ted adds after a while. 

“Ted, no, it’s-“

“It obviously made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”

Henry sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. 

“I..”, he starts but quickly stops, because he doesn’t know what he should say. 

Ted just looks up and presses a kiss on his lips. 

“Night Henry. ..okay?”

Henry nods, pulling Ted close again. “Okay.”


	15. The World Will Come Tumbling Down

Two months pass. 

Two months of going on dates without calling them ‘dates’. Two months of making love while calling it ‘fooling around’. Two months of them being together without actually being together. No label, that’s the deal. 

It’s been about three and a half months since the breakup with Chad now. 

They’re at Henry’s place, still in bed, it’s a sunday morning and Ted finally managed to talk Henry into letting him read Working Boys. This is a big moment, obviously. 

He’s been reading for a while now and Henry tries not to stare at him too much, but he can’t help but watch him closely while his eyes scan the lines. He smiles every now and then and he keeps reading, way too slow for Henrys taste, who’s just dying to know what Ted thinks. 

“I can barely focus when you stare at me like that”, Ted mumbles now. 

“Sorry! Sorry.”

He looks up, smiling. 

Henry raises his eyebrow, giving him an asking look. “You can’t be through already. Don’t you want to continue? You hate it, right?”

“No I love it. I’m not through, I just.. I love it, stop being so nervous, you’re making me nervous too.”

“Well those are the deepest realms of my heart and soul poured on paper, of course I’m nervous.”

“This is amazing and both of us know it.”

“Ugh just continue will you?”

“I will if you stop staring.”

“Alright! I’ll go and make coffee.” He finally got the machine repaired. 

“Okay.” 

Henry leans forward and presses a kiss on Teds cheek, mostly so he can see which page he’s on. 

“Henry I swear to god.”

“Sorry! Sorry, I’m gone!”

He gets up, slipping into a shirt now, not bothering to put on actual pants, underwear will do. 

— 

It’s quiet, as soon as he’s alone in the kitchen. 

He pulls two cups out of the cupboard and puts them under the machine, turning it on and watching the dark liquid splatter into them. 

It takes a while because the machine might not be broken anymore but it‘s still shit. 

He‘s fidgety, in some kind of way he wishes he could just jump into the future, so Ted would finally be done reading. 

Obviously Ted is still reading when he gets back. He claimed the entire blanket while Henry was gone and wrapped it around himself like a cape. 

“This is why you send me away, you were after the blanket”, Henry mumbles, while setting the cups on the nightstand next to Ted. 

Ted chuckles. “Yeah. No, it’s just fucking cold in here, especially with you gone”, he says. 

“Well it’s not my fault you’re nearly naked.”

“Yes it is”, Ted says, before putting the script down on the mattress and opening his blanket-cape. “Get in.”

Henry chuckles and climbs into Teds arms, leaning against his chest, his forehead falling against Teds shoulder. Ted closes the blanket around the two of them and reaches for the script again. 

“Are you done reading?”, Henry asks unnecessarily, of course he‘s not. 

“One more page, give me a minute.”

“Okay.”

Henry closes his eyes, leaning into Teds warm arms. It‘s so comfortable, he might as well just fall asleep again. 

When he finally hears Ted closing the script and putting it down next to himself, Henry shoots up and looks at him. Ted‘s smiling. 

“I know it‘s not that much yet but I think you can get an idea what it‘s gonna be like”, Henry says, scanning Ted in an attempt to find out whether he absolutely hated it or not.

“Henry this is amazing.”

Henry starts chewing on his lip. “Really? I mean are you sure?”

“Yes! Of course I’m sure. I know it’s not done yet but there’s already so much depth in every single character. You made them so fucking interesting Henry. And the way you wrote it. It’s funny but also sad in some parts, it’s a goddamn rollercoaster. I love it so much.”

“You really mean that?”

“Yes, I mean that.”

Henry smiles. 

“Okay.”

Ted lightly pushes him out of the cape and backwards on the mattress, making him laugh, before he leans over him, placing kisses all over his face. “God Henry you’re a fucking genius.”

Henry grins and pulls Ted into a kiss, deepening it within the matter of seconds. 

Ted let’s himself sink on top of him, apparently tired of leaning on his arms. His hand is on Henrys waist now and makes it’s way under Henrys shirt. 

And Henry faintly remembers the cups of coffee on the nightstand, slowly getting cold. But hell if he cared. So he simply wraps his legs around Ted, pulling him close. And Ted goes with it, but just for a while, then he pulls away just a little, to mumble: “Coffee.”

“Mh”, Henry makes, kissing him again. 

Ted pulls back completely, sitting up now. “It’ll get cold.”

Henry groans. “I can make you a new one later.” 

Ted chuckles. “Needy.”

“I’m not.” 

“It’s kinda hot. I love- ..it.”

Henry blushes. Was he going to say ‘you’? According to Teds quickly fading smile, he probably was. 

“The coffee will get cold”, Henry recalls.

”Yeah.”

“Let’s drink it then?”

“You’re the one still laying there.” 

Ted looks down at Henry, who’s still laying on his back, Ted seated between his legs. Henry scrambles to to sit up and reaches for his cup. 

“Oh well Hidgens. Coffee in bed?”

“Don’t you dare and spill it.”

“I’ll try.”

—

It’s still the same day but in the afternoon and at some point they managed to put on actual clothes, because it really is cold in Henrys house. 

They‘re in the living room on the couch, not really doing anything. They ate until about ten minutes ago, now there‘s just empty plates on the coffee table. They didn‘t bother eating at an actual table because why would you do that when you can instead eat your pizza on the couch? 

Henry‘s back is leaning against the armrest now and Ted‘s seated between his legs, his back leaning against Henrys chest. 

Henry wrapped his arms around him and he can‘t deny that this feels way too good. Holding Ted like this, just spending time with him without actually doing qualitative tasks. 

Sure he should get some grading done at some point, but not now. Not when Ted‘s laying in his arms like this, still fitting perfectly just like he did in highschool. 

He slowly lets his head fall forward a bit, so he can bury his chin and nose in Teds hair. He closes his eyes, pretending it’s only the two of them in the world, for a moment. 

“Henry?” It’s quiet, almost uncertain, definitely hesitant. 

“Yes”, Henry whispers in his hair. 

“I found an apartment. I’m moving out of my parents home.”

“You are?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re going to live there alone?”

“I guess at some point I’ll have to get over that fear. But actually this is kinda what I’m trying to get at.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s big enough for two.”

Henry hesitates, opening his eyes now and lifting his head off Teds. 

“What are you saying?” 

He’s pretty sure he knows exactly what he’s saying. But he’s not sure how to react, so he wants to delay that moment as far as possible. 

Ted sits up now, turning to him. 

“Look at me, would you?”, he asks, when Henry avoids his gaze.

“I am”, Henry claims, nervously meeting his gaze. 

Ted holds his gaze for a moment, maybe to make sure he has his attention, maybe to stall. He seems nervous after all, his eyes flicking over Henrys face, his hands pressed together, holding one another. 

“I mean you wanna move out right? You could move in with me.”

“Oh.”

“Just.. think about it, I’m at your place all the time, I practically live here. And you want to move out anyway.”

Henry hesitates and Ted notices. Ted’s right. Henry does want to move out. 

But he wouldn’t dare to define things between him and Ted yet. For the past two months they’ve been fooling around and spending time together without labelling it and for some reason that helped Henry feel less guilty about it. He doesn’t have a new boyfriend, they are just having fun. 

Moving in with Ted would define everything. It’s a bold move after all (pun not intended). 

When Henry doesn’t say anything, Ted goes on. “I know we’re not together or anything and even if we were it would be kinda early. I just thought it would be convenient and so I asked you.”

“Convenient?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Is this about you not wanting to live alone?”

“No, it’s not. This is about me asking you to let us define this.”

“Huh.”

“You don’t have to move in with me, if you don’t want to. I’m not going to be mad or anything. I just.. Do you at least.. would you be ready to define this? To label whatever it is we’re doing?”

“But you said you were okay with this.”

“Yes, over three months ago. I thought you’d start calling me your boyfriend sooner or later and things would be fine. But you’re not.”

“You just expected me to do that?”

“Well yeah.”

“I told you I’m not ready and if you weren’t okay with this you could have just told me instead of doing _this_.”

Henry gestures between them and Ted hesitates, dropping his gaze now. 

“Sorry, I just.. I thought you..” He chuckles but Henry’s pretty sure it’s not because he’s amused. He looks miserable.

“Did you ever plan on making this real?”, he then asks, “Like do you actually have feelings for me like that? Could you love me again?”

_I already am_ , is the first thing shooting through Henrys mind. But he pulls himself together. 

“Of course I did. Eventually.”

“Eventually”, Ted nods. “When’s that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Henry it’s been three and a half months. That’s a quarter of a year.”

“Why are you pressuring me like this?”

“I’m not pressuring you. I just..”, he sighs, “fuck.”

He buries his face in his hands for a moment, rubbing through his eyes. 

“I just feel like you’re about to slip away every minute and I don’t want you to. I feel like every moment you’ll decide you’re sick of me and you don’t want this anymore and since this isn’t even anything, I couldn’t even.. I don’t even know how I’d react. I want you for real Henry.”

“But I’m here?”

“You don’t get it do you?” 

“Yes I do.”

“No you don’t. And I mean if you don’t want this, please tell me but if you do, please.. please let me date you for real.”

“You want clarity.”

“Yes.”

“I get it, I do, Ted. I just feel like you don’t get my point of view.”

“Shit of course I get it. But it’s been more than three months, how much more time do you need?”

He sounds disappointed and Henry feels bad. Yes it _has_ been three months. He shouldn’t feel guilty anymore, kissing Ted and doing everything they’ve done for the past months. 

“Ted I..”

“Chad?”

“Yes.”

Ted sighs, nodding. 

“I should go, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’ll never be able to let him go.”

“Just because I don’t want to move in with you? Ted that’s a big step.”

“No, this isn’t about you not wanting to move in with me. I’m okay with that.”

“Then don’t pressure me like this.”

“I’m not. You don’t want to commit, you can’t. Not even a little. If you don’t want to move in with me that’s fine. I mean shit yeah I’m fucking terrified of living alone but that’s not the reason. Henry I want you, I want to actually be your boyfriend and not.. I don’t even know what this is. Friends fooling around? Just sex? I can’t keep doing that. I gave you time but I can’t anymore.”

Henry swallows. What is he supposed to do? Do something that‘ll make him uncomfortable? He doesn‘t feel ready. 

“So it’s all or nothing?”, he asks quietly. 

“I’m just asking you to let us define this. I’m not asking you to marry me.”

“Ted..”

“I want to tell you that I love you without you flinching.” 

Henry lets his gaze sink. Ted goes on. 

“I want to introduce you as my boyfriend and.. not hide in your bedroom when someone’s at the door.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ted nods lightly. 

“So this is it?”, he asks. 

Henry shrugs. 

“‘Kay.” Ted gets up and Henry blinks rapidly when he feels the tears forming in his eyes. 

He gets up too, when Ted is about to leave the room. “Ted wait.”

Ted turns to him, looking horribly miserable. Eyes glassy, lips slightly opened, the corners of his mouth hanging down. 

“Henry be honest, will you?”

Henry manages to nod. 

“Do you love me? Like do you.. do you love me like you loved him?”

_I love you even more_ , Henry wants to say. But it’s not like he manages to say anything. And he feels like he shouldn’t say that anyway. Because if he did, Ted might stay and Henry can’t give him what he wants. Henry can’t be his boyfriend, not yet and he doesn’t want Ted to feel obliged to keep doing whatever this is, if it doesn’t make him happy and it obviously does not. 

So he decides that he’s going to make it easier for him to leave. 

Ted said Henry makes it hard for him to leave every time, but not this time, he won’t. 

He shakes his head. “No”, he chokes out. 

Ted nods, before he turns around and leaves and disappears in the corridor. Henry can hear him sob, as soon as he’s out of his sight and he quickly presses his hand on his mouth to stop himself from crying too loud. 

It only takes about a minute of Ted gathering his stuff, it’s not like it’s that much. Then Henry hears the front door fall shut. 


	16. Emma’s Shirt That’s Totally Hers

He stands there for a while, the noise of the shutting door playing on a loop in his mind. Then he slowly starts gathering his thoughts and runs to the door, ripping it open, just to see an empty street. Of course Teds not there anymore. He runs to the gate in his socks, stepping through it and on the sidewalk. He’s not able to spot Ted. He’s not sure what he expected, of course Ted’s already gone. 

He eventually goes back in, closing the door behind himself. 

He sinks against it and on the floor, full on sobbing now. It‘s not like anyone can hear him, he‘s alone. 

Maybe that‘s how he‘s meant to be, this is probably the best for everyone. 

He sits there for a while, crying and pitying himself until he decides to go to Emma. He shouldn‘t be alone now and even though she‘s kinda rough and shamelessly blunt, she often knows what to say to make him feel a little better. 

— 

He dried the tears when he knocks on her door. He tried his best not to show that he cried for twenty minutes straight, but he‘s pretty sure that everyone can see it anyway. 

He hears someone scattering around the house, then Emma opens the door, hair in a messy bun, messier than usual. And she’s wearing a shirt. Like a mans shirt. 

Henry hesitates, just stares at her and she stares back. 

“Were you crying? Are you okay?”, she finally asks. 

He points at her shirt. 

“Whose is that?”

“What?”, she laughs awkwardly, “Mine, why?”

“No”, he says. 

She starts chewing on her lip, shrugging now. Henry tries to catch a look in the apartment behind her. 

“Is someone here?”

“Look I didn’t want to tell you because you had just broken up with Chad.”

“You’re dating someone?”

“He’s not just someone.”

“You’re dating Paul?”

She shrugs lightly. 

And now that Henry knows it’s Paul, he recognises that shirt. It’s an absolute Paul-shirt, he should have known immediately. 

“How?”

“I’m sorry Henry I thought you were my neighbor, she asked for some flour earlier and I thought she’s bringing the rest back. I would have told you differently otherwise. I wanted to tell you!”

“It’s fine Em, I’m happy for you two. It was about time anyway.”

She smiles hesitantly. 

“I just kinda told him, you know. Turns out good things come to those who get off there asses and gather enough courage to make a fucking move.”

“It does”, Henry mumbles. 

Ted did that too. Gathered courage and made a move. And Henry made him leave. In hindsight, Henry’s an idiot and Ted deserved better. 

“What’s up?”, Emma asks, “Why are you here?”

“Uhm..” He shrugs. She looks so happy. And also Paul’s here, they probably want to be alone. 

“Never mind.” He turns to go. 

“Henry!”, she hurries to follow him, “Fuck, don’t make me follow you dressed like this!”

He turns around and looks at her standing in the corridor dressed in a shirt that’s huge on her and probably (hopefully) underwear. 

“Sorry”, he says, “it’s fine, don’t worry Em. Go back inside, will you?”

“Not before you tell me what happened? Is it Ted?”

He shrugs. 

“You fucked up, didn’t you?” There she is. Classic Em, unsparingly honest. 

He nods lightly and sniffles when he tries to suppress the tears. Goddamn tears. 

“What did you do?”

“He asked me to let us define things and I said I can’t and now it’s over.”

“Henry, it’s been three months. More than three months.”

“Really? You’re going to come at me like that too? Why is everyone pressuring me? I can’t.. I can’t date, not yet.”

“Sorry”, she comes to him, putting her hands on his shoulders now, “you’re right. Everyone has their own pace.”

“I feel like an asshole.”

“Yeah you’re a real heartbreaker Henry.”

“Emma seriously.”

“I am serious. Do you want me to be blunt?”

“I’m not sure if I can take that.”

“Alright I’m gonna say it.” Of course she is. “Henry, you’re a mess and you’re fucking scared of commitment and that’s why you always end every good relationship you have. And I think part of that blame’s on Ted because he left you after Highschool and it hurt you so much that you don’t want to get hurt like that again. So you just push everyone away.”

“Em-“ “You did with Chad before you guys could get married and things would get too serious and now you did with Ted too because he wanted to define things. I mean I still don’t know what exactly you guys were, friends with benefits maybe, but it’s obvious that it couldn’t go on like that forever. Ted was being realistic while you were just scared and ignorant.”

It’s quiet, now that she’s done.

“Wow”, Henry mumbles after a while. 

“Sorry, that was a little too blunt. I realise that now, that it left my mouth”, Emma admits. 

“Maybe I needed to hear that”, he says. 

“Are you gonna go to him and apologise?”

“No. I’m not ready.”

“Yes you are!”

“You don’t know that.”

“Henry did you even listen?”

“I should go home.. get some grading done.”

“Please think about it, will you?”

“Sure.”

“Love you.” She hugs him. 

“Love you”, he mumbles, “Say hi to Paul.”

— 

Half a month passes. 

Henry buries himself in work and as soon as the semester break starts, he drowns himself in alcohol. 

Because everything is better than being alone with your lovesick brain. 

He’s shamelessly wallowing himself in self-pity and if Emma knew that she’d give him hell. 

Maybe it would be better if she knew. Maybe she could help him get a hold of his life again. 

But they haven’t really talked since he visited her. 

Only on the occasional Beanies-mornings, which, obviously, aren’t a thing during the break. 

She called him once, asking if everything’s okay and he said yes, even though he was laying in bed at 3 pm while talking to her. The good thing about texting and speaking on the phone is that the other person doesn’t see how miserable you look. And Henry’s an actor. He didn’t have practice in a while but he’s good enough to trick Emma into thinking he’s fine over the phone. 


	17. Embarrassing Encounter

Henry runs out of alcohol. 

He has a full minibar in his house, he really didn’t think he’d manage to get it empty at some point. But he did and there he is, slightly drunk and mostly hungover at 11 am. 

He curses and gets up. 

It takes a while until he finds his wallet, stuffed away in the pocket of one of his jackets. 

He pulls a jacket over his pyjamas and puts on shoes, grabbing his wallet to go get more wine or basically anything that’ll make him drunk,  from the grocery store. 

It’s a five minute walk, so he walks there. Driving wouldn’t be a good idea anyway. 

He’s been thinking a lot recently, coming to the conclusion that he probably should talk to Ted but lacks the courage as well as the confidence. 

Why would Ted take him back anyway? Henry’s a mess and Ted noticed that when Henry made him leave and if Ted’s smart, he’ll be over it by now. 

Alcohol isn’t a solution, it’s the solution. 

—

When Henry stands in the grocery store, people nervously gaze at him. He must look as shitty as he feels. 

He admits, he didn’t really take care of himself lately. 

He didn’t shave and he grew a beard that looks awful on him. He’s not a beard-guy. 

Showers are pretty rare nowadays too. He’s not sure when’s the last time he showered. Must be a few days, his skin feels a little icky by now, sweaty and heavy. His hangover is partly to blame for that, but his lack of a shower is most of the reason. 

He’s standing in front of the booze-shelf, holding one bottle in each hand while staring at a woman who nervously pulls her child away from him. 

“Henry?”

He flinches and turns around.

Well fuck.

It’s Chad. 

Fuck _fuck_ fuck. 

He tries to smile but his face doesn’t obey. “Chad!”, he manages to say. 

But it doesn’t sound positively surprised it sounds like he’s about to cry because this is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him. 

Chad scans him. He looks more than concerned. 

“Are you okay?”, he asks. 

“Great”, Henry lies. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m fine.”

Chad tilts his head, obviously pitying him now. 

But let’s be honest here, Henry deserves this and both of them know it. Henry hit rock bottom and this is where he belongs anyway, after what he did to Chad and now to Ted. 

“What happened to you?” Chads voice cracks lightly when he asks that. 

Henry shrugs. 

Chad’s gaze falls to the bottles in his hands. 

“It’s 11 am.”

“Yes.”

“Please tell me you don’t plan on drinking those alone.”

Henry swallows. “What if I am?”

“Henry..”

“Why do you care?”

“Are you drunk right now?”

Henry shakes his head - even though Chad’s right - and turns away. 

“Henry wait!”

“What do you want? Can’t you just be satisfied that I feel like shit now that I hurt you?”

“What? No, why would that satisfy me?”

Yes. Right. Henry forgot that Chad’s basically a saint, for a second there.

Henry shrugs and lowers his gaze when he feels the tears welling up in his eyes. 

“I don’t want you to suffer like that Henry.”

“Why?” 

“Because I love you and I want you to be happy.” 

That made it worse. The first tear makes it’s way out. Here we go. Henry shakes his head and tries to restrain a sob. 

“What happened? Is this just because we broke up?”

“No”, Henry admits, while he attempts to rub the tears off his face. 

“Is it.. someone else?”

Henry blushes, lowering his gaze. “Chad..”

“Hey it’s fine. We broke up, remember?”

“It’s not fine.”

“It’s been four months. I’m okay and I want you to be too.”

Henry stays silent.

“Is it Ted?”, Chad asks. 

“You don’t have to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Try and therapy me.”

“I’m not. Hey, I realised something a few weeks ago. Is that Ted the same Ted you kept telling me about in college?”

Henry nods. He did rant about him a lot back then. Heartache is a brutal pain, he had to tell someone. Emma was in Guatemala and Chad always listened to him. 

“God you loved that guy.”

Henry shrugs. 

“You know I never made a move on you back then because I always thought I didn’t have a chance against him. Turns out I was right.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. This kinda proved that you guys belong together. You two deserve a happy ending you know.”

Henry shrugs. “Not gonna happen.”

“What do you mean?”

“We had a fight. Not that it matters.”

“Yes it does. What was it about?”

“Me being asshole.”

“Come on..”

“He wanted a relationship and I didn’t. That’s basically it, okay?”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know. Emma said I’m scared of commitment. I think I just wasn’t ready.” 

Chad smiles, nodding as if he‘s confirming something to himself. “Emma’s right.”

“How do you know?”

“You started crying when we got together because you were afraid it would end bad, remember?”

“Well I was right.”

“But we had a good time for a little over a year, that’s what counts. You can’t just stay alone forever because you’re afraid to get your heart broken. I mean you can, but you’re already falling apart.”

“I’m not falling apart.”

“I don’t want to be mean but look at you. When did the beard even happen?”

“That was mean. Maybe I like that beard.”

“You don’t.”

“No, I don’t. Shaving is just fucking exhausting.”

“Showering too?”

“Chad..” Henry whines. 

“Give me that.” Chad takes the bottles from him and puts them back on the shelf. 

Henry thinks about complaining but decides against it when he sees the look on Chad’s face. 

“You know what you’re gonna do now”, Chad says. 

Henry panics. No he doesn’t. “No.”

“You go home, you take a shower and you shave that beard. Drink some coffee too, try and sober up a little. Then you go to him.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Chad puts his arm around Henrys waist and pushes him in the direction of the door. 

“How are you?”, Henry asks. “Are you really fine?”

“I’m really fine. I’m almost done with my book and I found a publisher who likes it.”

“That’s great.”

“It is. Are you going to read it?”

“Of course.”

Chad holds the door open for him now and Henry steps outside. 

Chad follows him and hesitantly looks down on him for a moment. 

“And put on actual clothes, will you?”

“I’m not gonna go to him.”

“Please Henry. Don’t kidnap and shoot your own happiness.”

“I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

“Easy. I love you.”

“I can’t just go there and tell him I love him.”

“Yes you can.”

“No.”

“Don’t you love him?” 

Henry hesitates. _Yes_ he does. 

“There you go”, Chad mumbles, “this is what counts. You just need a little more confidence.”

“I don’t think he wants to see me.”

“What did he say when you two had a fight?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did he say something that suggests that he never wants to see you again? You’re the one who didn’t want a relationship, maybe he’s open to you changing your mind.”

“He’s probably mad at me. I just kind of broke his heart.”

“He’ll understand if you explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain. He asked me to be his boyfriend and I panicked and shut him off.”

Chad sighs. 

“Alright, just.. go home and don’t drink any more wine, you’re already swaying.”

Henry nods. “Okay.”

“And take a shower anyway. You’ll feel better.”

Henry nods. 

“Drink some water. Eat something too.”

“Okay.”

Chad pulls him in a hug now and presses a kiss on his cheek.

“And go to him. Or at least think about it, will you?” 

“I’ll think about it.”

“Okay.”

Chad lets go of him now, holding onto his arms for a moment before he nods lightly and takes a step back. 

“I’ll see you around okay?”

Henry nods. “Okay.”

Chad gifts him a smile. “Good luck.”

Henry wants to object but Chad’s already going back in the grocery store. Probably because he knew Henry would try and object. 

Henry keeps standing there for a few minutes, staring at the door before he composes himself and decides to go home. 

—

When he gets home, he goes straight for the kitchen, actually doing what Chad said for some reason. 

And as he stands there and sips coffee and tries to sober up a little and also get rid of the hangover, he realises how right Chad is. 

And Emma. 

And Ted of course. 

He downs the coffee now, ignoring the tingly feeling in his stomach when he thinks about actually going to Ted. 

He can’t do it anyway. 

He’d at least have to take a shower first. And he doesn’t want to take a shower, solely the thought of doing that sounds like too much work. 

So he sits down on his bed again, allowing himself to sink back onto the mattress after a while. He shouldn’t go back to bed and he knows that. 

He just kind of stares at the ceiling and suppresses the urge to slip back under the covers. 

Where’s Ted anyway? Probably at work. He doesn’t have a semester break after all. 

Henry doesn’t know where Ted’s working. He would have to ask Emma, she’ll have to know because of Paul, but then Emma would know what he’s trying to do and if Ted doesn’t even want him back anymore, Henry would rather not have anyone know how badly he failed. And he’s pretty sure he broke Teds heart often enough for him to not forgive him anymore at this point. 

If he was Ted, he wouldn’t either. 

After laying there for a while, still wearing his pyjamas and realising that he’s able to smell himself (and it smells _bad_ ), he gets up and actually forces himself to go and take a shower. 

As soon as he’s standing under it, he realises that Chad was right about that too. It does feel good. It feels so good, he’s just going to spend the rest of his life there. 

—

He finally shaves and he puts on actual clothes and then he stands there, to nervous to function. 

He can’t go to Ted, can he? Ted’s going to still be mad at him and he’s going to send him away and Henry’s going to feel even worse. 

But Emma said good things come to those who gather enough courage and make a move. Maybe they really do. Maybe Henry should get over himself. Or maybe Henry lost his mind when he started drinking, maybe Henry’s going crazy. 

He reaches for his phone now, calling Emma. 

“Hey Henry”, she says, picking up almost immediately. 

“Where does he work?”

“Who?”

“Ted?”

He quickly pulls the phone off his ear when he hears her freaking out, screaming a little. 

“You’re gonna go to him?”

“No! I don’t know.”

“Ugh come on. I’ll send you the location.” 

“Thank you.”

“Don’t fuck it up.”

“I’m trying. But I probably will anyway.”

“No you won’t. You go to him and it’s gonna be fine.”

“I’m hanging up now.” 

“Promise you won’t back out.”

He sighs. “We’ll see.”

“Coward.”

“Maybe I am.”

“No you’re not. You’ve got this.”

“Okay thanks again. Bye.”

He hangs up and lets himself fall against the wall, sinking on the floor. 

He can’t do it. It was a nice thought but it’s not like he can actually do it. 

Right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because we love Chad


	18. Saying Something Stupid Like “I Love You”

He‘s doing it. He‘s on his way to CCRP technical and he‘s not going to turn around and go back home. 

He tries not to think about it and just walk, concentrate on the way and not the final destination. 

But his hands are shaking and his heart is beating, hammering at a rate that might not even be healthy anymore. 

He’s nervous, but also impatient, because he’d rather know Teds answer now. So he keeps falling into a quicker pace, almost running, tripping, before composing himself and trying to walk a little slower. But then again, walking feels too slow. So he sets for a really quick walking pace instead. It’ll have to do. 

Then he finally reaches the right building and his heart sinks, slipping all the way into the ground below. 

He’s doing this. He can do it. He’s got this. 

He starts biting his lip, staring at the door. A shaky breath fills his lungs, escaping his lips just seconds later. He tries to stay calm and breath slowly but his breath is speeding up rapidly as well as his heartbeat, to a point where he’s pretty sure he can’t breath. 

What is he even doing? 

Ted’s going to send him away anyway, right? 

He turns away from the door, just to see Emma run towards him. 

“Don’t you dare turn around”, she says. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Saw you walking by through the window at Beanies and decided to take a break, so I can kick you into this freaking building if I have to.”

“Em, I can’t do this.”

“Well you fucking came all the way.”

“And now I’m gonna leave.”

“No fuck you, you get your ass in there now.”

“Emma.”

“Hey”, she says calmly, stepping closer to him and reaching for his face, cupping it with both of her hands. 

“I know you’re nervous and I can see you tremble. But I think you need this. Whether he’s gonna take you back or not.”

“He won’t, I’m sure he won’t.”

“I thought that about Paul too you know?”

“But you guys were into each other since Highschool, that was so obvious.”

She tilts her head, giving him a look. 

“What?”, he mumbles. 

“Same goes for you two you dumbass.”

He hesitates, before he settles on staying quiet. 

He does love Ted since Highschool and Ted basically told him he feels the same.

“Will you go in?”

“Go with me?”

“Okay.” 

She reaches for the door, holding it open for him. And he steps inside, even though the nervousness brings him close to tears and makes him feel like he’s gonna throw up. 

Emma pushes the little button on the elevator and makes him step inside first, before joining him. 

“Henry?”

“Hm?” He’s not even able to answer properly. 

“It’s gonna be fine.”

He nods, not sure whether to believe that or not. 

The elevator pings and Henry flinches. The doors open and Emma pushes him out of the elevator, into a corridor with walls made of glass, allowing Henry to see people sitting in front of computers behind it. 

The whole place seems kind of like a mess. Newspapers, folders and coffee cups pile up on tables and printers and no one seems to care. 

Henry’s not able to spot Ted at all. 

“Hey, I’m Melissa, how can I help you two?”

A woman appeared out of nowhere. She has long brown hair and glasses and she’s holding a big folder in her arms. 

“Uh”, Henry makes. 

“He’s looking for Ted”, Emma says. 

“Oh, right into the second door on the left.”

“Thank you”, Emma says, pushing Henry forward. 

Henry stumbles to the door, and through it, finding himself in a room with about five more people. 

Ted is leaning with his shoulder against the wall next to a coffee machine, holding a cup with both hands and talking to a woman in a cat sweater that’s a little too big on her. 

His gaze wanders through the room until it stops, right on Henry. 

He stops talking and his smile fades. 

“You’ve got this”, Emma says, even though Henry’s pretty sure he’s going to cry just from the look Ted is giving him. “I’m gonna go to Paul.”

And then she just straight up leaves him there. 

Ted pushes himself away from the wall and puts his cup down on the counter, before he walks towards Henry. 

“What are you doing here?”, is the first thing he says. 

“Uh..what?”

“Well you’re here. Why?”

“Can we talk?” What is up with his voice? Why does he have to sound so weak and scared? (Probably because he is, god he’s terrified) 

Ted sighs. “I’m kinda working.”

“Are you?” Henrys glances at the spot Ted was just standing at, drinking coffee and doing nothing else. His gaze falls at the woman, still standing there and watching them now. “Is that Charlotte?”, he manages to ask. 

“Why would you care?”

“It’s her then. She’s pretty.” Henry can’t help but sound a little bitter, even though all of this is his fault and not Teds or Charlottes. 

Ted rolls his eyes. 

“Would you get to the point?”

Henry hesitates.

He should say it. Three simple words. Or maybe not so simple. Three words then. 

He can do that, he did it before. 

He _should_  be able to do it. It’s basically just three words, just a few letters stringed together. 

So why did he just loose every ability to speak? 

“Okay”, Ted says, after what feels like hours. “I’m working, Henry, you should go.”

He turns away.

“Wait wait wait! I‘m sorry!”

Ted halfway turns back to him, but he doesn‘t look at him, he just starts to play with his tie. 

“Henry seriously. You made it pretty clear how you feel. Or..”, he scoffs, “Or how you _don’t_ feel.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Ted nods. “Yeah”, he says, then turns back around, maybe to walk away. 

And Henry panics and when Henry panics his body reacts on pure autopilot and maybe somewhere in the back of his brain he remembers what Chad told him to say, so he does. 

“I love you!”, he blurts out, pinching his eyes close immediately afterwards, too afraid of Teds reaction. 

“Yeah?”, he hears Ted ask quietly. 

And maybe Henry lost his mind but he’s pretty sure he hears hope in that. 

He slowly opens his eyes and sees Ted, who turned back to him. 

“I love you”, he says again, more slowly this time, to make sure Ted gets every letter, every syllable and maybe even every butterfly, going wild in Henrys stomach. 

“Like..?” 

Henry nods. 

“Yes, Ted just listen. I love you, I always did.” 

Suddenly it all floats out of him. He just had to break the dam of fear and self-consciousness that held everything back and now it all comes out, the truth pours out of his mouth like water that’s been held back for way too long. He just has to say it again and again. Ted should know. 

Ted hesitates, tilts his head, opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything. 

“I love you.” His voice cracks now, as he continues. “ And I want to be with you for real. ..if you still want that too.”

“You want to be my boyfriend now?”

“Yes.”

“Like my boyfriend, meaning that we’re not going to hide that. Like my non-secret boyfriend?”

“Yes”, he mutters. His anxiety stole his breath a while ago. 

“Because you love me?”

Henry nods. 

“So you lied when you said you don’t.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t want to make it hard for you to leave, if that’s what’s right for you.”

Ted shakes his head, tilting it lightly. “Jesus Henry.”

“Sorry. I just recently.. I..”

There goes his ability to speak again. It’s probably the way Ted tilted his head. Making Henry go weak in his knees. 

“You..?”

Henry catches himself. Only about this particular moment, of course. He’s still falling. He’s in a constant state of falling in love, even deeper every time he sees Ted. And every time he doesn’t see him too. 

He’s constantly tumbling, sliding, sinking even deeper into the hole of his undeniable love for Ted and if he’s being honest it’s kinda amazing. 

He opens his mouth to speak again. It takes a moment until he manages to say something though. 

“I realised that you’re the love of my life and I’d be an idiot if I didn’t at least tell you.” 

“The love of your life?” Teds eyes are kinda glassy now and Henry is not sure whether he’s going to cry or if he’s tired or something. But his voice did crack on the word ‘love’. 

“Yes. You are. I love you.”

Ted nods lightly and a smile sneaks on his lips. 

“Okay”, he says. 

“Okay?”

He nods. 

“Okay.”

“You’d take me back? After everything?”

“Yes I would and I will.”

“Thank you”, Henry blurts out, causing Ted to smile even brighter. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Henry nods. 

And suddenly Ted is by him, reaching for Henrys face and pressing  his lips on Henrys, soft and perfect. 

“I love you too”, he mumbles, when they separate. 

Henry‘s heart is still beating too fast, but now out of all the right reasons. 

“Are you sure?”, Ted asks quietly, fear and insecurity still existent in his voice. 

“Yes! Yes, yes.”

He grins. “Okay.”

Then he pulls Henry in a hug. 

“Can I see you later?”

“Yes!”

“I mean I kind of really should go back to work, but..”

“Yes, I should go too. But we can do something later. Go for dinner or something like that, you know.”

“I’d love to.”

“Okay, yeah, me too.”

“Let’s do that then.”

“Okay, I’ll see you. Call me, yeah?”

“Shit yes I will.”

Henry kisses Ted again, because he can’t help himself, before he takes a step back. 

“See you”, he says again. 

“See you”, Ted mumbles. 

Henry takes his eyes off Ted for the first time now and realises that most of the people in that office are shamelessly staring. Including Emma and Paul, obviously.

Henry blushes. “Alright, I’ll..”

He points at the door behind him and Ted nods. 

“Love you”, Henry says again, before pushing the door open and backing out, only now ripping his gaze off Teds pretty smile. 

He goes to the elevator, feeling all tingly and giddy. Suddenly the whole office feels nicer, more welcoming. It’s not as messy and scary as Henry perceived it earlier. 

He pushes the button of the elevator. 

When he steps inside and turns around, he can see Ted running towards him. 

He quickly pushes the button that holds the doors open, until Ted reaches him, laughing now. 

A tingly feeling bubbles up in Henrys gut making him smile, grin, giggle along with Ted. 

“Hey”, Ted says, coming to a stop in front of him, his hands immediately sneaking around Henrys waist, pulling him closer as the doors shut. 

He kisses Henry and Henry lets him, kissing him back eagerly. 

They grin against each other’s lips and keep kissing. Ted gently pushes Henry against the wall and Henry moves his hands up to the collar of Ted’s shirt, playing with it and pulling him close. And when the elevator-doors ping open because they reached the first floor, they either don’t notice or simply don’t care. 

And so they go back up again. 

And when the doors open again, Emma and Paul stand in front of them. 

They pull away from each other, Ted reaches for Henrys hand. 

“Please tell me you two weren’t gonna do it in an elevator”, Emma says. 

“Of course not!”, Henry says, flustered now. 

Ted laughs. “Jesus”, he mumbles. 

“We’re going to Beanies, wanna come?”, Paul asks.

“That’s where I was going anyway before I got distracted”, Ted claims. 

“Really?”, Henry asks. 

Ted chuckles. “No, that was just my excuse to be able to follow you.”

Henry grins, pulling him closer again. They kiss, quickly, because Emma and Paul joined them in the elevator now and it’s not like they can full on make out again. Like sure they can, but they’re not shameless like that. 

—

Ted and Paul went back to work, after Henry promised Ted to pick him up afterwards. 

Now he’s alone with Emma at Beanies, sitting at the counter, while Emma pours coffee for various customers. 

As soon as all of them are gone and the business kind of dies down, she slides up to him with a cheeky grin on her lip. 

“Ssh”, Henry mumbles, blushing immediately.

“And you almost didn’t go inside.”

“Well everything could have happened.”

“But the most likely scenario it was, what a surprise.” 

“Shut up.”

“I’m happy for you. Don’t mess it up now.”

“I won’t.”

“What made you change your mind anyway?”

“Chad kind of did ..and you. I met him in the grocery store earlier and it was really embarrassing because I looked like a garbage dump. But he was alright and seemed happy and it helped me feel less guilty. He also told me to get my shit together and so I.. did.”

“Chad’s still a saint then.”

“Em?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for everything you said. You were kind of right and you got me to think about my life a lot and I think I needed to do that.”

“That’s kind of what I was trying to make you do. Glad it worked.”

Henry smiles. 

“I want to make this work now. Pretty sure this is the last chance he’s gonna give me”, he mumbles, actually meaning it now. He’s going to treat Ted like a king or some kind of god or at least he’ll try his best to make him feel loved and safe and good. 

“I wouldn’t bet on that. He’s a lovesick idiot.”

“I just don’t want him to get hurt anymore. I want him to be happy.”

“Yes you better not be a dumbass again. I’m fucking sick of saving your dramatic ass.“

“Em!”

“Sorry, love you.”

He rolls his eyes, before mumbling “Too.”

“Wanna stay here until you can pick up Ted? It’s like half an hour. I can supply free cake.”

“No you can’t”, Nora chimes in, suddenly appearing behind Emma.

Emma flinches. “Jesus!”, she mumbles. 

“I promise I’ll pay for it”, Henry says. 

“Thank you. That’s how business works Emma. By the way, you have customers”, she says. 

“Ugh, be right back”, Emma mumbles, before she puts on a smile and goes back to her usual spot on the counter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s gonna be like one (or maybe two, probably one) more chapter before this one’s done (just to warn y’all)


	19. Domestic Cuddles And Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What time is it? (Summertime!)  
> Time for a chapter full of time jumps yes.

They went to Henrys place, after dinner and spend an hour laying in bed and cuddling now. 

Ted’s on his back and Henry‘s just kind of on top of him, hugging him with every limb he has, his head resting just underneath his chin. 

He’s not gonna let him go again so fast. He‘d totally be down to cuddle forever. Maybe they can do that. 

“Can you show me the apartment?”, he asks now (after having worked up that courage for a while). 

“The apart-? My apartment?”

“Yes.”

“The one I asked you to move in with me?”

“That one.”

“Are you sure?”

“I wanna see it.”

“I didn’t mean to pressure you into anything. We don’t have to move together yet. I mean we’ve been together for what? Five hours?”

Henry smiles and pushes himself up now, so he can look at Ted. Ted looks nervous again, eyes flicking over Henrys face, maybe looking for some sign of panic. 

So Henry reaches out for him and lets his fingers frame Teds temple. 

“I just wanna see it and maybe I’ll ask you if I can move in when I found someone who wants to buy this one”, Henry says. 

Ted smiles. “Okay”, he mumbles, “I can show you.”

—

The apartment is pretty. 

It’s an open room where kitchen, dining room and living room meet, then just two doors, one for the bedroom and one for the bathroom. 

It has red-brown brick walls and large windows. 

It has a kitchen and a couch but otherwise no furniture yet. It’s small but seems so comfortable, even without the furniture. 

“This is all yours?”, Henry asks, turning to Ted now, who is watching him, leaning against the kitchen counter and still holding the key. 

He smiles. “All mine”, he says. 

“I love it”, Henry mumbles. 

“You do?” He sounds surprised. 

“Yes why not?”

“I don’t know. Your house is so different.”

“Chad’s and my house”, Henry corrects, shrugging now, “That’s kind of the point, love.”

“So you can see yourself living here? With me?”

“Yes.”

Henry goes to him and leans against his chest, smiling now because he loves the apartment so much and he loves Ted so much. 

“I love you”, he mumbles, because he still can’t say it often enough. 

He can feel Ted wrapping his arms around him and leaning his head against Henrys. 

“I love you”, he says, pressing a soft kiss against Henrys temple. 

— 

Three months later, Henry moves in. 

He and Chad sold the house a few days ago and now Henry officially moves out of there and he’s actually glad to leave it behind. 

Apparently Chad’s still living with Greg and Stu, but he said it’s fine, because they have a spare room anyway, so Henry is just going to accept that and tries not to feel too bad about it. 

“Last one!”, Ted says, setting down the last box next to Henry. 

Henry laughs relieved, because he really didn’t have the strength to carry another box up into Teds apartment. Or Teds and his apartment, now. 

He just kind of gives up and sits down on the floor in between the boxes. 

“We made it”, he mumbles. 

Ted chuckles, sitting down next to him and leaning against one of the boxes. 

“Thank god”, he mutters. 

“Hey I just moved in with you”, Henry notices, already in love with that fact. 

“You did.” Ted smiles brightly. “Wow you did.” 

He kind of crawls over to Henry and lets himself sink against Henrys chest. 

“I can’t wait to do this with you”, he whispers.

Henry wraps his arms around Ted, pulling him close. 

“What do you mean?”

“Everything. Waking up, eating breakfast, coming home to you being here or the other way around. God I love that.”

Henry can’t help but imagine it and it looks amazing. He smiles. 

“Me too”, he mumbles. 

Ted reaches for his hand and brings it up to his lips to push a kiss there.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s unpack.”

He pushes himself up a little and Henry quickly pulls him back. 

“No I want to hold you.”

Ted settles into Henrys arms again, not objecting in the slightest. 

“Okay.”

“That was quick.”

“I just really don’t want to unpack. It’s so much.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Yeah it’s fine. I agree that you had to bring the piano in.”

Henry laughs quietly. 

“I think we need to get our priorities straight.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t even have a bed”, Henry points out, glancing at the couch, “how have you been living here for three months without a bed?”

“The couch is really comfortable.”

“We’re not going to sleep on the couch together.”

“It’s expandable.”

“We’re getting a bed. It’s really weird that your bedroom is just empty anyway.”

“I’m keeping my clothes there.”

“In a suitcase.”

“Alright it’s a mess.”

“I love you Ted, but yes it is.“

Ted chuckles. 

“Let’s go bed-shopping tomorrow.”

“Please.”

— 

One and a half years later they do have a bed and they are laying on it. 

Not in a sexual way or anything. 

Henry just kind of had a rough day and straight up dropped down on the bed when he came home. And when Ted came home and found him there, he just laid down next to him and pulled him in a hug. 

“You ok?”, he now asks, after a few minutes of the two of them just wordlessly laying there. 

“Yeah, just really tired.”

“What happened?”

“Life’s a mess.”

“Who do I need to fight?”

“No one. Love, you’re not even good at fighting people.”

“I can try.”

“I don’t need you to fight anyone, I just want you to hold me. Is that okay?”

“I can do that.”

“‘Kay.”

Henry snuggles closer into Teds arms, closing his eyes now. 

One of his students is pregnant. And every time Henry sees her round baby-belly he can’t help but think about children himself. 

Ted always said he wants children someday, back in Highschool. But that was in Highschool right? 

“Do you want kids?”, Henry asks quietly.

“What?” 

Henry’s not sure if Ted really didn’t understand or if he just didn’t expect that question. 

“You always wanted kids”, he explains, “Do you still want that?”

“I mean.. I don’t know.”

“It’s kinda a yes or no question.”

“Depends on you, sweetheart.”

“But you want them?”

“Only if you do.”

“Stop being so vague about everything.”

“Yes I do. But if you don’t, I’m fine with that too. I want you to be happy.”

“I want you to be happy too.”

“It’s just.. you tend to panic when things get more serious.”

“Yeah.. I’m working on that.”

“You don’t want kids do you?”

“I mean.. maybe I do. I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.”

“You wanna make some then?”

“Adopt I guess. Neither of us has an uterus, love.” 

“Really?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we should just get a dog.”

Ted chuckles. “I kinda thought you’re more of a cat-person.”

“I love both. You love dogs.”

“I do.”

It’s quiet until Henry mumbles: “I think I kind of want a child though.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Like a little girl or ..actually I don’t care about the gender.”

“They won’t stay little, they grow up. You know that, right?”

“I know. And then they just get really mean at some point.”

Ted smiles, his fingers tracing Henrys side now. 

“I kinda maybe really want a child too“, he says.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Then it’s just really quiet. 

For about ten minutes, until Ted speaks up again. 

“Do you like..wanna get married?”

Henry chuckles, but quickly stops after he looked up and saw Ted completely serious. 

“Wait was that..? Did you just propose?”, he asks. 

“It was just an idea, you don’t have to say yes.”

“But you really meant it?”

“Of course I meant it.” Then he frowns, looking distressed suddenly. “Ugh sorry.”

“What is it?”

“That was the stupidest proposal ever, you deserve better. I’m sorry, I don’t even have a ring. It was just a thought really.”

“I want to marry you”, Henry admits quietly. 

“Is that a yes?”

“Maybe. If that was a proposal.”

Ted scrambles to get up now. “Wait let me do that again, okay?”

“Okay”, Henry says, sitting up too. 

“Okay okay okay”, Ted mumbles, looking around for something now.

Then he finds some kind of ribbon for presents on the nightstand and takes it, before he kneels on the floor in front of Henry, holding the ribbon up. 

“What is that?”, Henry mumbles. 

“The ring”, Ted claims, chuckling now, making Henry laugh quietly. 

“Okay go on.”

“Henry Hidgens, love of my life”, he starts, slowly getting more serious, “Do you want to marry me?”

“I do.” His heart jumps in his chest, quietly freaking out that this is happening. 

“Yeah?”

“Yes! I do!” He smiles, before quietly singing “I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.”

“Did you just pull a Mamma Mia?”

“I guess.”

“God I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Hand?”

Henry gives Ted his hand and Ted ties the ribbon around his ring finger, even making a nice bow. 

Then he kisses his hand and Henry giggles, feeling all giddy and excited. 

He lets himself slip off the bed and into Teds arms, kissing him now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright acc there’s gonna be one more chapter


	20. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guysss I literally don’t know how weddings work, I wrote this based on movies and the one wedding I attended ten years ago.  
> If any one of you knows more about weddings and all of this is straight up wrong, I am sorry and I hope you can enjoy it anyway.

Maybe it’s going to rain on their wedding day. 

The days before were all sunny and warm and now that their wedding day finally came, four months after Teds proposal, it‘s cloudy. 

“At least it’s not pouring yet. Maybe it will hold until after the ceremony?”, Henry’s mom says. She’s standing at the window, looking up into the grey sky. 

Henry sighs. 

Why did they decide to marry outside? It’s going to be a mess. 

He’s alone with his mom right now, in one of the rooms, in the building next to their venue. 

He knows that Ted is just two rooms next to them and that thought makes his heart freak out. In a good way of course, even though he’s really nervous right now. 

Because what if it’s going to be a disaster? What if there’s a storm and then the rain pours down on all of them and you can’t hear anything they say because the thunder is too loud? 

“Henry?”

“Huh?” He looks up, realising that he just clenched his tie until now. 

“It’ll be great, don’t worry okay?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

“Come here.”

He comes towards her and she takes the tie from him. It’s a soft blue-grey tie and it has small pastel pink and grey flowers on it. It’s probably the most daring thing about his outfit. 

He went with a grey suit, a little darker than the tie, and a white shirt. 

“I can do that”, he protests quietly, when she goes to tie the tie around his neck. 

“I know, but I want to do it for you.”

“‘Kay.”

That’s when the door slams open and Emma comes in, wearing a pastel-pink dress. 

“Woah Henry! Looking hot.”

He laughs. 

“So do you”, he answers.

“Yes Paul thinks that too.”

“Ugh keep it together will you?”

“We will. It’s your wedding.”

“Thanks.”

She chuckles. 

“Stop being so nervous, you’re literally marrying Ted.”

“Yes, I’m getting _married_. What if I mess it all up? Oh god.”

“Well you won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do, dumbass.”

“How?” 

“You two are in love. Like really fucking infatuated, and sometimes it makes me want to puke because of Teds moustache but if I learned one thing over the past year, it’s that you two are destined to be together.”

“Thanks, but don’t you dare hate on his moustache in your speech later.”

“Oh dammit, now I have to cut _that_ out.” She playfully rolls her eyes, closing the door now. 

He chuckles. 

“Alright, you’re good”, his mom says, patting the tie now. 

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

“What time is it?”

“Ten more minutes”, Emma chimes in again. 

Henry’s mom smiles and pats his shoulders, before she takes a step back. 

“You look amazing”, she says, and Emma nods. 

“When’s dad coming?”

“He was looking for the bathroom when I last saw him. He should be here any minute, don’t worry.”

But Henry does worry. 

He decided to walk in with both of his parents because he didn’t want his mom to feel left out. 

And Ted does too. 

The door opens again and Henrys dad slips in, grinning from ear to ear. 

“I’m here!”, he says. 

“Thank god”, Henry mumbles. 

“I love the tie!”

“Thanks.”

“I can’t believe you’re already getting married.”

“I’m 36.”

“Yes you are. Still.”

“I’ve even been engaged before.”

“Chad’s here by the way”, Emma notes. 

“I know, I invited him.”

“I still don’t understand why you did that”, his mom admits. 

“Well we’re friends. Of course I want him to be here.”

“He even brought a date”, Emma chimes in once again. She sat down on the couch, kind of hanging in it by now. 

Henry looks up. 

“He did?”

He’s surprised but also kind of relieved. Every time he met Chad since the breakup, he was still single and still living with Greg and Stu until he apparently moved out at some point, but Henry doesn’t know if he’s living alone or not. 

And of course Henry knows that someone can be single and happy but he low-key wants Chad to find someone again. Maybe it’s selfish but he has to admit that Chad bringing a date does make him feel less guilty about getting married. 

Like he did better, it’s not like he’s still beating himself up about this as much as he used to but he still felt a little worse every time he met Chad and saw him completely alone. 

“I think I know him from somewhere. Not sure though”, Emma says, getting up now and walking to the window. 

“You know him?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure. He looked familiar. Shit it’s really going to rain.”

Henry looks out of the window too, seeing the heavy grey clouds balling up in the sky. It _is_  going to rain. 

“Time?”, he asks again, getting nervous now. 

“Five minutes honey”, his mom says. 

“Can we just go already?”

“No, we’re going on time.”

“It’ll rain and it’ll be awful.”

“Henry, it’ll be _fine“_ , his dad assures him, putting his hand on his shoulder now. 

Henry looks up. “I just want it to be perfect.”

“And it will be. You need to relax.”

“I guess.”

His dad chuckles. “Ted Richards from Highschool”, he says, his eyes filling with tears. “He always made you so happy. I’m really happy for you two.”

“Dad I swear to god, don’t you dare cry now.”

He hears someone sob quietly and finds his mom quickly tap the tears off her cheeks with a tissue. 

“Mom!”

“I love you so much”, she says. 

“I love you too”, he mumbles, feeling the tears swell up in his eyes as well. 

“Oh god”, she mumbles now, trying to fix her mascara. 

Emma hurries to her to help. 

And when Henry turns back to his dad, he finds him crying too. 

“Dad..”, he whispers. 

His dad just shakes his head, laughing quietly and pulling Henry in a hug. 

“I love you, Henry. I wish you every happiness.”

And that’s when Henry looses control as well, the tears make their way out. 

“Guys!”, Emma shouts, “stop it, will you!”

Henry chuckles and tries to wipe the tears off. 

“Here you go”, his mom whispers, handing him a tissue, then pulling out another one and giving it to his dad. 

Emma frantically keeps looking at her watch. 

“You’re good. We have to go now.”

“Okay”, Henry says. 

His dad opens the door for them and when Henry steps in the corridor, he sees Ted. He just came outside as well and he smiles brightly when their eyes meet. 

Henry can’t help but grin back, laughing lightly, because seeing Ted there makes him happier than he can handle. He’s almost about to just cry again. 

“Hot”, Ted mouths, pointing at Henry and Henry laughs, making Ted laugh along. 

“You too”, he says back. 

Ted’s wearing a dark-grey suit, it almost seems black but not quite. His hair is combed back, but a few wisps of hair already fell out and Henry can‘t help but adore it. 

“Okay, let’s go, shall we?”, Henry’s mom says, making Henry rip his gaze off Ted for a moment. 

He can only nod, speechless from the pure euphoria the sight of Ted caused him. He really is marrying Ted. 

Ted Ted Ted. 

That’s the name he used to scribble on worksheets and folders in Highschool, drawing stupid little hearts around it. 

It feels almost magical by now, casting a spell that makes Henry loose his mind in a good way. 

His mom takes his hand and carefully leads him to the door. Henry turns around to look at Ted once more. Ted winks at him and Henry smiles, before he lets his parents lead him out of the building. 

From afar he can see the guests, sitting in their chairs on the grass, the sky still all cloudy above.

“Alright”, Emma says, “let’s do this.”

Henry chuckles. 

Paul comes out of the building now, immediately coming over to Emma. 

“Hey”, he says. 

“Hi”, she mumbles, leaning in to kiss him. 

Ted and his parents come out as well now. 

“Alright, Emma, Paul? You go first”, Henry’s dad says, like everybody doesn’t know that. 

It’s not like they didn’t rehearse this. 

“Everybody ready?”, Emma asks. 

Everybody nods and Henry just has to look over to Ted once again. He catches him staring back, smiling even wider when he sees Henry is looking. 

The music sets in and Emma starts walking, Paul about fifteen feet behind her. 

“Henry?”, his mom asks, holding her arm towards him. He tucks his hand into her arm, doing the same to his dad, who hurried to stand next to him. 

When they start walking, he can hear his mom cry again. 

“Mom, stop, please”, he mumbles while fighting the tears. 

“I’m so happy”, she mumbles and he chuckles, blinking rapidly now. 

All of the guests are turned around in their seats, staring at them with smiles on their faces. Henry spots Chad and he really is sitting next to someone. And when Henry looks at him, he recognises a familiar face. 

It’s Leighton from college. 

Chad is here with Leighton from college. 

Henry can’t contain a smile, smiling even brighter now (if that’s possible). 

He waves at them lightly and Chad grins, waving back. Leighton does too. 

Henry comes to a stop in the front, by the flower-y arch. _Cheesy_ , he thinks, he loves it. 

His parents go to their seats and Henry turns to see Ted arriving. 

He comes to a stop in front of Henry and his parents go to their seats as well. 

“Hi”, he whispers. 

“Hi”, Henry whispers back, biting his lip in an attempt to get more serious. 

Then the ceremony begins. 

— 

“You may now kiss each other.”

Ted doesn’t waist any time in pulling Henry closer. 

They kiss and lips and teeth clink together, because both of them are smiling too bright to kiss. They still try, of course. 

Then there’s thunder rumbling and just a few seconds later, the rain pours down. 

Ted laughs quietly against Henrys lips, pulling him even closer and kissing him again. 

“I love you”, he whispers. 

“I love you”, Henry mumbles back against his lips, unbothered that they’re getting all wet now. It’s too late anyway. 

Ted takes Henrys hand and they turn back to the guests. Henry points to the building where they’re going to open the buffet now, signing for them to go run where it’s dry. 

And they do, laughing and running through the rain, hurrying to the building. 

Henry’s just about to follow, when Ted pulls him back in a hug, leading him into some kind of swaying dance. 

“It’s raining”, Henry notes. 

“It’s romantic.”

“God we’re married.”

“Yes!”, Ted whispers. 

His hand is on Henrys cheek and he rests his forehead against Henrys. 

“I love you, I love you, god, I-.. I’m so happy”, he whispers and Henry knows he means it. 

Henry pulls him in a kiss once again, before he decides to just place kisses all over Teds face. 

“I’m the happiest”, he says, chuckling now, out of breath somehow, “I just got married to you, shit.”

Ted laughs, nodding, before he kisses Henry again, leaving both of them gasping for air, mostly because the rain makes it kind of hard to breath. 

“I admit kissing in the rain is not as romantic as movies make it out to be.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah but I love you, so I’d be down to-“

“Me too but we should probably go inside.”

“You’re right.”

Ted presses one last kiss on Henrys lips, before he wraps his arm around his waist and leads him in the direction of the building. 

“Fucking dumbasses”, Emma mumbles when they push through the door, completely soaked. 

“It looked really romantic”, Paul admits.

“It was, we’re married”, Ted says. 

Henry chuckles. 

“Let’s go inside?”, Emma asks and Paul opens the door for them. 

When Henry and Ted step inside, a few people applaud for some reason, making Henry blush. Ted takes his hand and pulls him to the little platform with the microphone. 

“Hi?”, he says, maybe to check if it’s working. It is. 

“Hello everyone! The weather is not the nicest, but thank you for coming, we really appreciate it. We hope everybody found their table and we’re probably going to say something more later. But until then, the buffet is open.”

He looks at Henry, to see if he wants to say something and he shakes his head.

The guests applaud again and Henry and Ted hop off the platform. 

Henry spots Chad and Leighton again. 

“I’m going to say hello, I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Sure.” Ted pushes a kiss on his cheek and lets go of his hand. 

Henry makes his way to Chad and Leighton, who are looking really lost. 

“Hey”, he says. 

They turn around and Leightons eyes immediately light up. 

“Hey Henry! Congratulations!”

“Hi Leighton!” They hug and Leighton laughs. 

“It’s so good to see you. Man, it’s been like ten years.”

“It has been. I wanted to invite you but I didn’t have your address or anything”, Henry admits and it’s actually the truth. 

“Oh, my address is Chad’s address.”

“It is?” Henry tries not to sound too excited.

“It is”, Chad says and Henry realises that he accidentally ignored him a little. 

“Hey”, he whispers, hugging him now, with Chad hugging him back, before taking a step back. 

“So you are together?”

“Yes!”, Leighton says. And at the same time Chad shakes his head. “No.”

“What now?”

Chad opens his mouth but before he can answer, Leighton jumps in. 

“I’m working on it.”

“What?”, Chad asks, blushing now. 

Henry chuckles, because whether they’re dating or not, they like each other and it’s obvious. 

“Henry?” It’s his mom. 

He looks up to see her waving at him. 

“That’s my mom. I’ll see you two around okay? Thank you for coming!”

They nod and Henry hurries to his mom. 

“You’re all wet”, she says, “come with me, let’s try and get you dry.”

— 

It’s later in the evening and Ted and Henry are slow dancing to Paul Anka. 

“I want children with you”, Ted whispers.

“Plural?”

“Yes. But like, starting with just one. Not all at once. Maybe just two in general.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Henry can feel his heart flutter. He did think about it a lot and he really wants it too. 

“Yes.”

“You want it too?”

“I do.”

“What about the dog?”

“We could get a dog as well.”

Ted chuckles. 

“We couldn’t.”

“No we couldn’t”, Henry admits. 

They’d be overwhelmed and it would be a disaster. 

It’s actually bold to assume that they with a child wouldn’t be a disaster. 

But he wants it so bad and he knows so does Ted. 

Ted pulls him closer, in an embrace now and Henry can feel his hand sneak down his back, recklessly close to Henrys ass. 

“Ted there are people around”, Henry mumbles. 

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Well but I might do something if you don’t stop.”

Ted chuckles. “Horny.”

“Maybe.”

Henry lays his head down on Teds shoulder, placing a soft kiss in his neck. 

“You’re so hot in that suit”, he mumbles. 

“Jesus Henry.”

“Huh?”

“You can’t say stuff like that when we’re in public.”

Henry laughs quietly. 

“Sorry, Love.”

“It’s fine, _you’re_  really hot. And I love your tie.”

“Thank you, I picked it.”

“You have a great taste mister.”

“Yes I know I married you.”

“Smooth.”

“That’s why you’re in love with me.”

“It is, probably.”

Henry chuckles, kissing Ted now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright there’s gonna be ONE more chapter (I miscalculated lol)


	21. Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one guyssss!

**Three Years Later**

“Get up”, Henry whispers, shaking Ted lightly. 

He groans and rolls over, on Henrys side of the bed and away from him. 

“Come on”, Henry tries again. 

He reaches out for Ted and Ted just snatches his hand, pulling him into bed and into his arms. 

“Love..”, Henry whispers, but smiling now. Ted is the cutest when he’s sleepy. 

“Stay”, Ted just breathes against his hair. 

“No, I have to leave in a bit. I still have so much to do and it’s tonight.” To be honest, Henry doesn’t have that much to do. He‘s simply meeting up with the cast in half an hour to run through everything, before the opening night. Then he has to run a few errands but that’s it. 

Let’s just say he’s dramatic and also too excited to sit still. 

Working Boys is premiering in the Starlight Theatre tonight and Henry has been freaking out about it for like three months. 

So has Ted, but he’s too tired to be excited right now. 

“I love you”, Ted mumbles, eyes still closed and he sounds like he’s going to drift back to sleep every second, “I’m so proud of you. I love you so much. You’re the best, babe.” 

Henry chuckles. 

“I love you too.” 

Ted pulls him closer, snuggling against him now. 

“Ted, love..”, Henry whispers again. 

Then he can hear Jude cry and babble something. 

Ted let’s go of him and pushes him away. “You go, you’re awake-r.”

Henry chuckles and gets up. 

He pushes open the door to the room that has officially belonged to Jude for a little less than a year now. He’s 11 months old, almost 12. 

As soon as he’s in the room, he can see him standing in his crib, his little hands holding on to the bars. 

Henry smiles when he sees those big brown eyes stare at him.

“Hey buddy”, he says, before he goes over to him and pulls him out of the crib. 

He immediately lets himself fall against Henrys chest, still sleepy just like Ted. Henry walks through the corridor, back to Teds and his bedroom. 

“Wanna wake dad up?”, he whispers. 

“Dad..a”, Jude mumbles and Henry freezes. 

Jude looks up and they just stare at each other for a moment, while Henry tries to process that he basically just said his first word. 

Then he hurries to the bedroom. 

“Did you hear that?”

“What?”, Ted mumbles, opening his eyes now. 

“He said dad.”

Ted sits up, suddenly awake. “He did?”

“Can you say that again?”, Henry asks. 

Jude just stares at his shoulder, fumbling with his t-shirt now. 

“Dad”, he mumbles quietly. 

Henry looks up to Ted, who’s laughing excited. 

Jude laughs too, grinning at Henry now. 

“Okay, okay”, Henry mumbles, slowly collecting himself. He comes over to Ted and sets Jude in his arms. “I really have to go. Feed him, will you?”

“‘Kay”, Ted says, still fascinatedly staring at Jude. 

“Love you”, Henrys says and Ted looks up when he leans in, to kiss him goodbye. 

“You too”, he says back, gifting him a smile. 

Henry pushes a kiss on Jude’s head as well. Then he goes over to the door, before he turns back around one more time, just to see Ted sink back into his pillow, with Jude laying on his chest and giggling when Ted tickles him, quietly giggling along. 

Then Ted just wraps his arms around him, pulling him in an embrace and closing his eyes for a moment. 

And Henry can’t help but believe that his life is perfect, right now. 

—

Henry didn’t think he could be more nervous, that he had already reached his peak, but apparently he was wrong. 

He’s the most nervous he has ever been, right before the show. 

“Babe, it’s gonna be great. Don’t forget to breath”, Ted says, leaning against the wall next to him, while Henry walks around the room, too nervous to stand still. 

Jude is with Teds parents, they volunteered to babysit. Ted’s mom loves him. 

“Eventually. Maybe. God, this is hell”, Henry whispers. 

Ted chuckles. 

“Come here.”

He extends his arms and Henry walks to him, falling into them. 

“You’re the best. You’ve got this, alright?”

Henry nods. “Okay.”

The door opens and Emma comes in, followed by Paul, who then is followed by Chad and Leighton. 

“Henry! Look who I found!”

She gestures behind herself at Chad and Leighton. 

Henry smiles and Ted lets go of him now, so they can say hello. 

He hugs every single one of them. 

“Thank you for coming.”

“Of course we are”, Chad says. 

Leighton is just smiling brightly, kind of clinging to Chad’s hand. 

They have been dating for a while now. Chad told Henry it kind of happened on his and Teds wedding. 

“What’s up?”, Henry asks, because Leighton looks like he’s going to explode.

And right after Henry asked, he remembers. Chad told him over the phone that he thinks about proposing, about three weeks ago. That must be it, right? They’re engaged. 

“We’re engaged”, Chad says, confirming Henrys thoughts and Ted is immediately next to Henry. 

“No way!”

All of them kind of became friends over the past five years. 

“Yes!”, Leighton says, holding out his hand to show them the ring. 

“It’s pretty!”, Ted says, lowkey geeking out a little. 

“Well”, Chad says, holding his hand up too. He also has a ring. 

“What? How?”, Henry asks. 

“Both of us planned to ask the other yesterday”, Leighton explains, “So when he pulled out the ring, I did too.”

“Oh man”, Ted says, laughing now. 

Chad just kind of hugs Leighton from behind, both of them looking happier than ever and Henry is actually happy that he and Chad broke up, back when they did. Because even though it hurt like hell, this right now feels so much better. And it feels right. God, it feels so right. 

“Alright we should go to our seats, it’s almost time”, Paul says. 

“Good luck”, Chad says, quickly hugging Henry, before he reaches for Leighton’s hand again. Leighton hugs him too. 

“I’m really excited, don’t mess it up.”

Henry laughs. 

“I’ll try.”

Paul and Emma come too and after all of them left it’s just Ted and Henry. 

“Breath”, Ted says and Henry does, taking a deep breath. 

Ted reaches for his head, putting his hands on his temples. He presses a kiss on Henrys forehead. 

“Have I mentioned how proud I am?”, he asks. 

Henry nods. 

“Yes.”

“You’ll rock this.”

“I’ll try.”

Ted kisses Henry, before he steps back. 

“You should join the rest of the cast and get ready. I’ll be in the audience, okay?”

Henry nods. “I love you.” 

Ted smiles, pressing a quick kiss on his cheek. 

“I love you too.”

—

Everything worked out fine. No one forgot their lines, no one fell, it was perfect, actually. 

And in the end the audience gave a standing ovation. Henry is pretty sure that most of that was Teds, Emmas, Pauls, Chads, Leightons and his parents fault, because they got up and whistled and applauded as soon as Henry and the others started to bow. The rest of the audience probably felt forced to do the same. But it still felt amazing. A part of him doesn’t even care whether the rest of the audience liked it, as long as his family and his friends did (the other part wants everybody to love it, the other part wants to get that musical on Broadway). 

As soon as he’s out of costume and gets out of the theatre, Ted is running at him, throwing his arms around him. 

“That was amazing”, he says, “Henry that was the best thing I’ve ever seen.”

Henry chuckles. 

“Was it or are you just utterly in love with me?”

“Both I think.” 

“Well thank you.” 

Henry kisses him and Ted smiles. 

“You’re hot with eyeliner.”

Henry didn’t take it off yet. Mostly because he wanted to see everybody as soon as possible. 

Also they are celebrating now, they are going for pizza with the entire cast and Henry is too hungry to get rid of the eyeliner first. 

“Am I?” 

“So hot.”

Henry giggles, when Ted hugs him again, lifting him up a little. 

“Ted move”, Emma shouts now, running at Henry. 

Ted let’s go of Henry and let’s Emma hug him. 

Shortly after, Paul and Henrys parents arrive and even more people who want to congratulate. 

— 

It’s later in the evening now. They just got home from Teds parents, where they went to get Jude. 

Henry is in the bathroom, his eyes a little reddened because he spend a good ten minutes trying to get rid of the eyeliner. 

When he gets out of the bathroom, he can hear Teds voice in Jude’s room and goes there. 

Ted is tugging him in, speaking softly to him. 

Henry leans into the door frame to watch them. 

This is perfect. Ted is perfect. Jude is perfect. Henry can’t help but smile. He catches himself wishing for more of that. Is he being greedy? Maybe. But how can he not look at Ted and Jude and wish for more of that? He wants it all. 

“Good Night buddy”, Ted says now, getting up. When he turns around and sees Henry, he smiles. 

He comes over to him and Henry steps away from the door frame, leaning against the wall instead so Ted can close the door. 

As soon as it’s closed, Ted looks up. 

“What’s up?”, he whispers. 

“I think I want another one.” 

Ted chuckles, coming at him now. He puts his hands at Henry’s waist, pushing him gently against the wall. He leans his forehead against Henrys, and lets his gaze drop to his lips for a moment. 

“Child?”, he asks quietly. 

Henry nods, lifting his hands to Ted chest and playing with the buttons of his shirt. 

“Okay”, Ted whispers, kissing him. 

“Just okay?”

“Yeah, me too.”

Henry smiles. 

“Maybe a girl this time? You know, a little sister.”

Ted nods. “Sounds perfect.”

Henry kisses him again, melting into it. It’s been about five years now and he still feels like that. He’s not sure if he’ll ever get enough of being with Ted. 

Lost in thought, he starts unbuttoning Teds shirt. 

Ted smiles. “What are you doing?”

“Helping you undress.” 

Ted laughs quietly and reaches for Henrys hand now. “Come on.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally wrote a oneshot about Chad and Leighton on Henrys and Teds wedding so you all are getting a bonus chapter in a bit (you don’t have to read it, the story’s over, but you sure as hell can)


	22. Chad and Leighton (Bonus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Chapter out of Chad’s perspective bc we love him don’t we

Chad moved in with Leighton after a while. College-Leighton. 

The cute kid with dark skin and curly black hair and dreamy-brown eyes and a smile that’s so bright that it makes Chad happy, no matter what. Except he’s not a kid anymore, neither of them is. 

They had kind of lost contact and only got back at each other when Chad lived with Greg and Stu after having broken up with Henry. 

But he didn‘t change a bit, he‘s exactly like Chad remembered. 

His roommate got married and moved out and since Leighton and Chad got along well, Leighton asked him if he wanted to move in and Chad said yes. 

So now they‘re living together and Chad might have developed a stupid little crush on him. 

Leighton‘s really cuddly. He‘s smaller than Henry was and sometimes he just randomly decides that he wants to cuddle with someone so he flops down on the couch next to Chad and cuddles against him without a word. 

And Chad appreciates it because he lowkey loves it. But he also can‘t handle it at all. 

Because Leighton is cute and Leighton smells good and he‘s warm and his breath tickles in Chad’s neck and it drives him crazy, more than he‘d like to admit. 

—

And then he gets the wedding invitation. 

And he‘s happy for Henry and Ted, he really is. 

It’s just that he’s not good at big events especially if he’s alone and even if he’s over Henry, he kind of wants to show him that he’s over him and happy. Because then Henry will relax and be happy. 

Every time he met Henry after their breakup - especially when they sold their house together - was fine, they kind of became friends again. 

But he can’t shake the feeling that Henry still feels bad about it. 

He keeps asking him if he’s seeing someone and he almost seems disappointed when Chad answers with a ‘no’. He’ll just go “Oh” and drop his gaze to the floor and Chad really doesn’t know what else he can do to prove Henry that it’s okay. 

So he’s going to try and use that ‘plus one’. 

—

He’s on the couch when Leighton comes home. 

“Hey!”, he says, grinning. Then his eyes drop to the card in Chad’s hand. The wedding invitation. 

“Oh what’s that?” He lets himself fall on the couch next to Chad, reaching for the card in his hand. 

“It’s Henry and Ted.”

“Oh man your ex?”

“We’re still friends, it’s no big deal.”

“You’re gonna go?”

And that’s when Chad gets the idea. 

“Weren’t you invited?”

“I don’t think he has my address”, Leighton says, shrugging now, “Lost contact.”

“Do you want to go with me? Like as my plus one?”

Leighton chuckles. “Like a date?”

“No! No just.. with me. I don’t want to go alone.”

Leighton gets more serious now and Chad really hopes he didn’t hurt him with his quick ‘No’.

“So you want to show him you have someone new?”

“What?”

“Like a pretend date.”

Chad hesitates. This is stupid. He shouldn’t lie to Henry. “No, I just don’t want to go alone. You watch too many movies.”

“I’ll be your pretend date.”

“You’ll go with me?”

“Yes.”

—

The big day comes quicker than Chad thought and suddenly he’s driving to the venue with Leighton, who keeps calling this a pretend date. 

And god, Leighton looks perfect in a suit. It’s not like he doesn’t look perfect in normal clothes, he just looks really good in general and Chad keeps realising that every time he sees him. 

“We’re here”, Chad says, as soon as he parked the car. 

“Worried?”

“No.”

“I’m here for you babe.”

Chad chuckles. “Don’t you dare.”

“Why am I your pretend date when I’m not even allowed to call you babe?”

He certainly has too much fun with this. Maybe Chad shouldn’t have asked him to come. But he can’t deny that he enjoys every second of his company. 

“You’re not my pretend date.”

“Come on, honey.”

“Leighton..”

“You’re cute when you’re mad.”

That’s when Chad blushes. Jesus Christ. 

“I’m not mad”, he mumbles, reaching for his seatbelt now. 

“Let’s go inside then, right?”

“Yeah.”

—

Leighton tucked Chad’s arm into his and Chad didn’t say anything because he’s too into it to be bothered. 

Maybe it’s alright if Leighton pretends to be his boyfriend for a day, even if it’s not real, it feels really good. 

—

It’s after the ceremony which was beautiful even though it rained and they got a little wet. Everybody ran to the building where it’s dry so Chad and Leighton went too. 

It’s just that now they’re lost, because they can’t find their table. 

“Hey”, someone says. Henry. 

They turn around and just as Chad opens his mouth to congratulate, Leighton does. 

“Hey Henry! Congratulations!”

“Hi Leighton!” They hug and Leighton laughs. 

“It’s so good to see you. Man, it’s been like ten years.”

“It has been. I wanted to invite you but I didn’t have your address or anything”, Henry admits. 

“Oh, my address is Chad’s address.”

“It is?” Henry sounds excited. So maybe this is working, maybe it actually helps him feel less guilty. 

“It is”, Chad therefore says. This is not lying right? 

Henry looks at him now, smiling brightly. 

“Hey”, he whispers, hugging him quickly, maybe because he didn’t do that yet. 

Then he takes a step back. 

“So you are together?”

“Yes!”, Leighton says. And at the same time Chad shakes his head. “No.”

“What now?”

Chad opens his mouth to answer because he’s pretty sure he really shouldn’t lie but before he even gets the chance, Leighton jumps in.

“I’m working on it.”

What? Wait. Leighton winks at Chad and Chad forgets to breath for a second there. 

“What?”, Chad asks, while he feels his cheeks heat up. Well now he’s blushing. 

Henry chuckles. 

“Henry?” A woman’s voice distracts him. 

Henry looks up. “That’s my mom. I’ll see you two around okay? Thank you for coming!”

They nod and Henry hurries to his mom. 

“Why are you so honest all the time?”, Leighton asks. 

“I’m not going to lie to Henry.”

“Well me neither.”

“What?”

“Where are our seats now?”, Leighton distracts and for some reason Chad let’s him. 

—

It’s later in the evening and there’s a dance floor instead of tables. 

Chad is sitting on a chair in some corner, sipping on a wine and watching the people dance when Leighton appears in front of him, having gotten back from the bathroom, probably. 

“Wanna dance, love?”, Leighton asks. 

It’s a slow song coming on now and Chad can’t help but notice that that’s kind of romantic. 

“To this?”

“I could also hum a melody and we dance to that if you prefer it.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Come on then.”

He offers Chad his hand and Chad takes it, following him on the dance floor. 

Leighton pulls him closer, then starts to sway over-dramatically, pulling Chad along and making him laugh. 

Chad plays along and they only stop after they’ve bumped into about three people, setting on a slower rhythm now.

“So..”, Leighton says after a while. 

“So?”

“How are you?”

“Good, why?”

“Henry’s your ex.”

“But I’m really _really_ over him.”

“Like really over him?”

Leighton is staring at him now and Chad has the sudden urge to kiss him. He doesn’t though, because you can’t just kiss people without permission. 

“Really”, Chad says, unable to take his eyes off Leighton. He literally lost himself in those eyes. 

He didn’t think he’d feel like that again. Not yet anyway. 

“Like over him enough to start something new?”

Chad’s heart starts pounding quicker, suddenly getting all excited.

He isn’t going there, is he?

“I think so.”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

Okay there it goes.

“Uh.. I-what?”, he manages. 

“Like.. right now.”

“Why?”

“I want to kiss you”, Leighton admits, his eyes flicking from Chad’s eyes to his lips, maybe to prove the point. 

“Yeah?”, Chad asks.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Leighton chuckles. 

“We’re in our 30s, pushing towards 40. We’re not in college anymore and I really don’t want to wait any longer with telling you, because where’s the point right?”

Chad’s throat feels dry suddenly. He gets nervous, because god damnit Leighton is a dream. 

“Tell me what?”

“I crushed on you through all of college but you were into Henry so I gave up. But now we met again and apparently you’re single again and you’re like..the nicest guy ever and that’s so fucking hot and I can’t help but fall for you all over again.”

Chad stops swaying and so does Leighton. 

“Too blunt?”, Leighton asks quietly, suddenly worried, “please don’t move out, it’s really hard to find a good roommate. We can just forget this, if you-“

“I want to kiss you”, Chad says quickly, interrupting him. 

“Now?”

“Yes.”

Leightons lips spread into a smile once again, then he leans closer, resting his forehead against Chad’s. 

“Well do it, coward”, he mumbles. 

“Are you drunk?”, Chad asks, because he’s not used to Leighton being so shamelessly honest. 

“No, weddings just always make me realise how lonely I am and usually I hook up with one of the guests but I think this time I don’t want to. Or do I? I mean you’re a guest. I just don’t want it to just be a hookup.”

Chad smiles. “So you’re telling me you’re in love with me because you’re lonely?”

“I didn’t tell you I love you, I said I’m falling for you, so not yet but surely soon if you keep staring at me like that.”

“It’s real then?”

“Shit yes of course it is.”

Chad finally dares to push his chin forward and before he can close the gap between their lips, Leighton gets impatient and does it himself.

His eyes fall shut and he can feel Leighton’s fingers play with his tie, moving up to his shirt collar. 

“Again”, he mumbles, when Leighton pulls back a little, making him smile. 

They kiss again and it’s amazing. Chad didn’t expect it to be this amazing. Sure he expected it to be great but this is a whole new dimension of great, of amazing, that he didn’t even know existed. 

“Maybe I do want to hook up with a guest”, Leighton says when they pull apart.

“I’m a guest?”

“Yeah. Wanna take me home?” 

Chad chuckles. “I’d love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who stayed till the end and gave support and everything. I love all of you thank you thank you thanks


End file.
